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Studies: Six Flags "Way More Funner" Than Other Amusement Parks

The two most comprehensive studies to date of the "funness" of amusement park chains has reached a strong conclusion that Six Flags parks are "way more funner" than any other amusement park chain, and "totally better" than any independent park, the park chain announced today in a press release.

"Today, real science has been heard," said Gary Story, President and COO of Six Flags. "We'd heard the claims of unscientific enthusiasts and others that parks like Cedar Point or Kennywood might be more funner than our parks, or maybe even the most funnest. But we got the experts to look at it, and now we can share the truth. We're the funnest! And our food is the goodest, too, but that's a different study."

“I have analyzed the data. I have studied the science,” said Dr. Rhea Rutner, a podiatrist, former short-order cook, and mother of four children, at the press release to announce the "funness" findings. “I am a foot doctor and I am a mother of four children. I know, without a doubt, that Six Flags rules over other parks. Did I mention that I'm a mother of four children? I am.”

Rutner and the other lead scientists on the studies appearing at the press conference had bundles of twenty-dollar bills visibly straining the seams of their pockets. "That? Oh, that's just the, um, honorarium Six Flags gave us for heading up the study. Nothing for you to worry about."