Saturday, June 07, 2003


We at ARN&R do truly enjoy all the hate mail we receive. It fills us with a warm, fuzzy glow to know that people who despise our website, and would like nothing better than to rip our still-beating hearts from our chests and eat them, inevitably are incapable of constructing a coherent thought or correctly spelling any words. Please keep saying horrible things about us while making a mockery of proper grammar and looking like complete imbeciles, Xfan and mrceagle! You’re too funny!

However, life is not all about rolling on the floor cackling at feeble hate mail and violent anonymous web forum posts. No, believe it or not, we at ARN&R do actually get some positive mail here and there, and we thought we’d share some of the widespread praise we’ve been getting over the past few weeks.

I love your site! Makes me just about pee my pants every time I read it! (Which is difficult considering that I am rarely wearing pants while I am on your site...)

-from “Jason”

Holy crap. I just came to your site by way of [Screamscape] and I must say that you guys are FREAKING HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have never wanted to go through a [website’s] entire archives section before, but I have a lack of time and strong need to step out into the sun for a spell. Thank you for making me laugh…Just holy crap. Hey hey, you monkees are insane. I love it. And you. Marry me.

-from “John”


-from “Kk”

I'm upset with you because I have wet my pants so many times reading your website!
Whoever "JCK" is, I'm amazed at his (her) wickedly humorous stabs at coaster
enthusiasts. Please stop being so funny!

-from “Peter”

First I want to say that this [is] the best story I've read on ARN&R... the best ones always involve B&M :):)…"The Mabinator" has to be the best Mabs name so far. lolo.... :)

-from “a B&M Fan”

Dear ARN&R: We cannot live without you. Especially that JCK. He is so unbelievably dreamy and hot, and he even has a sexy forehead. Please, we beg you, allow us to give him oily backrubs and gratuitous sexual favors all night long, every night. Anything he asks. Please, please, please come frolic in the Absolutely Reliable Hot Tub with us, O Masters of Time, Space, and Infinity. We shall have you and no other. Sincerely, Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Kristen Kreuk, and Brooke Langton.

-from “Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Kristen Kreuk, and Brooke Langton”

Whew! Thanks for the support, folks. And, yes, these are all actual letters we’ve received. We aim to keep people amused and bring a little sunshine to their otherwise dreary lives, so comments like these make us feel it’s worth all the long, hard hours we spend down in the Absolutely Reliable Salt Mines churning out stories and products for your pleasure. We do notice an alarming trend of our readers soiling and/or missing pants, however, but we aren’t sure how much to be frightened by this development.

Oh, and I guess we should mention, in the interest of avoiding a substantial lawsuit, that we did totally make up the very last one. Jessica, Jessica, Kristen, and Brooke most assuredly did not actually write that letter. You should have seen the unprintable filth they did send. This is a family web page, girls! Sheesh.

Keep the emails coming, folks!