Thursday, September 16, 2004

The Assault of the Bad Coaster Sites Continues

It's Site O' the Weak time again. Although we aren't able to provide you with any new pathetic, lunatic rants by criminally insane losers, like we did last week, we did manage to find something suitably lame: Brian and Robs Coasters. Assuming you can plow your way past some questionable spelling and grammar ("regester," a lack of an apostrophe in the actual site name, and odd sentences such as "Sign up with to talk coasters with our fellow members! And talk about up-coming up-dates!"), this site has plenty to offer. First off, there's the short list of coaster record holders, formatted to look exactly like hyperlinks, except no hyperlinks actually exist. Then there is the photo page. Giving credit where credit is due, the photos themselves are actually not bad at all. But why must they all be on one page? Break 'em up into multiple pages and people can view each page in under forty minutes, boys.

But the shining glory of Brian and Robs is, as is typical, the forums. We certainly think there need to be even more coaster forums on websites, in order that we can glean important information and thoughtful opinions. We're certainly planning to "regester" so we can get our intellectual swerve on. Populated by what appear to be exactly five posters, these forums have, in a short time, already provided these gems:

-A claim by one poster that he makes illegitimate use of what he refers to as "a cripple pass," where he makes up injuries in order to get to the front of coaster lines.

-An insightful discussion on a unique and thought-provoking new idea: are wood or steel coasters better?

-All the important breaking news.

-Discussions about spelling mistakes that feature even more spelling mistakes.

There also seem to be lots of places where there are odd things at the ends of sentences, such as :rollseyes: and :huh:, leading us to believe that those emoticons aren't working quite right.

But hey, if there weren't forums like this, this website would probably never have received the great honor that comes with being the ARN&R Site O' the Weak.


[Editor's Note: The operators of the Site O' the Weak have now taken it down, denying us the fun of looking at all the spelling errors and terrible formatting. Fortunately, you may feel free to continue visiting the forums, as they are still operational.]
Cave Enthusiasts Ruin Experience for Coaster Enthusiast

Stanton, MO: On a road trip to Silver Dollar City, a member of our beloved coaster community was shocked to discover that enthusiasts of all kinds can ruin experiences for the general public.

"I thought it would be fun to stop off at the Meramec Caverns – all of the billboards advertised 'Jesse James Hideout' and there were pictures of dinosaurs and stuff," said ACEr Jeremy Selbstmord, who traveled alone from Chicago to Branson to experience SDC & CC. "Who knew that my experience would be ruined by a couple of complete losers."

The losers in question were three members of ACCE, the American Cavern and Cave Enthusiasts, who were in the same tour group as the ACE member.

An ACCEr, ruining everything. Photo courtesy of Jeremy Selbstmord.

"They kept pushing ahead of the group, making stalagmite jokes that only they thought were funny," continued Selbstmord in a telephone interview from St. Louis. "Then they kept asking our tour guide completely obscure questions as if they were testing him. Everyone just started rolling their eyes after a while. Don’t these guys have a life?"

The final straw was when one of the ACCErs started to complain about no spelunking being allowed in the caverns and how the "dumb GP" just comes to see the James Gang’s loot. "Man, I just wanted to strangle that guy with his own Teva sandals. Can you imagine being that obsessed with something like caves? Like, as if they know how the place should be run!"

Selbstmord's trip had a happy ending after all, when he arrived in Branson and proceeded to ride the Ozark Wildcat 30 times consecutively. "I’m so glad I’m normal."