Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Message From the Dork Side

Ever bother to read the stuff at the bottom of our front page? In addition to alerting really stupid people that this is actually a satire site, instead of a source of actual hard-hitting news about things like Garfield's spraint being a thematic component of a Kennywood ride or Hersheypark opening a launched coaster called Misty of Chincoteague: The Xtreme Armageddon, the text down there contains the following handy warning:

"Anything you e-mail us is fair game to go on the site or to be used in any other way, including printing it up real big and posting it outside AbsolutelyReliableTowers."

That makes it all the more fun for us when people write to express their displeasure with our site. In this case, it's an Ultimate Roller Coaster poster named "Darthdino," who attempted to get people to go to the "Dark Side" instead of conforming to requests for the use of reasonably appropriate grammar at the site. We made fun of him in our Breaking News section by suggesting people "Come to the Dork Side." Sadly, the thread we referenced has already been deleted entirely, though its predecessor gives an equally superb glimpse into the mighty and profound intellect that is Darthdino.

Darthdino wrote to let us know what he thought. Here's the full text of his rant to us:

> On Jun 3, 2005, at 6:53 PM, Henry howards wrote:
>> You have made fun of me on your site i did not like that and neither
>> did URC. I....am w/ URC you are getting boycotted, you messed w/ the
>> wrong dark lord

We are unable to ascertain in what language this email was constructed. After an extensive meeting with the Absolutely Reliable Foreign And/Or Semi-Literate Customer Inquiry Center, the consensus was that it was probably either Norwegian, Punjabi, or Sanskrit, though there were also some votes for Flemish, Farsi, Swahili, and Moron. If anyone out there can provide us with a definitive translation, we'd appreciate it.