Heat Can't Beat Enthusiast
The record-breaking heat along the eastern seaboard this week has deterred all but the hardiest of vacationers from more than the barest of outdoor activities, but there are those who brave the soaring temperatures and high humidity. One is coaster enthusiast Dirk Patton, 41, who has staunchly refused to spend any less than the entire day today at Six Flags America, near Washington, DC. Despite a temperature topping out at 111 degrees Fahrenheit, a heat index rating of 125, and a lack of shade caused by park landscaping consisting primarily of acres of sun-obliterated bare asphalt.
"I need to get in at least twenty rides on Joker's Jinx and twenty on Superman if I'm going to have a shot at riding each over seven hundred times this season" he panted. "My shot at glory and everlasting fame from this accomplishment will not be denied!"
Professing to care little about the dangerous heat levels, Patton said "Well, it seemed pretty hot and muggy this morning, and I'll admit that I was sweating profusely. But I must have gotten used to it, because I haven't been sweating the slightest bit for at least an hour. Guess I'm made of stronger stuff than most people." Patton did admit to feeling quite achey, dizzy and nauseous, but said that was "perfectly normal for a stud who faced the front row of X-Flight four times in a row."
Patton also noted that the "pretty swirling colors in the air" were "particularly vibrant" and that the "giant purple man-eating penguins over there" were worrying him a bit, as they were beginning to stare at him in a lustful fashion.
The Weather Channel reports that tomorrow's average temperature will exceed 6 trillion degrees Kelvin. Patton assured ARN&R, once he was again apprised of his name and location, that he will be right back at SFA, racking up those important credits.
--JCK
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Couple Unable To Visit Six Flags Great America
A Chicago area couple is stymied by their inability to visit Six Flags Great America in Gurnee, Illinois, despite driving nearly two hours for that purpose alone.
“We just keep trying to figure out why,” said Paul Willard, 34 years old, “We were planning this trip for weeks, even arriving at our hotel the night before so we could get to the gates before the park opened. But over a few drinks at dinner, we both came to the decision that we really didn’t want to go at all.”
Kim Schultz, 27, was the first one to bring up the subject of not visiting the park. “I made a joke about it at the hotel, y’know, that the room was so nice that we should just sleep in instead of fighting the crowds all morning. But then it came up again at dinner, and when we realized that we were both thinking the same thing, that was it.”
Willard and Schultz are both former SFGAm annual passholders, and have truly enjoyed their visits to the chain’s Midwestern gem in the past. Willard shrugged his shoulders when asked for a rationale behind the couple’s actions.
“Beats me. I guess maybe I’m just tired of the throngs of white-trash, hostile ride operators, and bland fast food. Of course, fifteen dollars for parking might have something to do with it.”
Schultz is more specific, waving a Six Flags brochure in the air. “They’re celebrating a forty-fifth anniversary?” she asked incredulously. “What the hell is that? That makes even less sense than that ‘100 Years of Magic’ crap that Disney tried to cram down people’s throats a few years ago.”
The couple then engaged in a rapid-fire listing of possible reasons for their non-visit, including peeling paint on Déjà Vu, lackluster live show offerings, and the continued operation of Iron Wolf, the park’s torturous B&M stand-up coaster. They agree on one point, however.
“We had a much better time that day by not going to the park.” Schultz said. “We had a good breakfast, did some shopping at the Gurnee Mills mall, and took most of the afternoon driving home on country roads. It was much better than standing in line for three hours for Raging Bull, which is just going to be trimmed to death anyway.”
The couple is already in the planning stages of a trip to the park next month, which will most likely include a day of horseback riding at a local stable, and an outing at the park’s Fright Fest, when they plan to spend the day at a health spa.
--CMV
A Chicago area couple is stymied by their inability to visit Six Flags Great America in Gurnee, Illinois, despite driving nearly two hours for that purpose alone.
“We just keep trying to figure out why,” said Paul Willard, 34 years old, “We were planning this trip for weeks, even arriving at our hotel the night before so we could get to the gates before the park opened. But over a few drinks at dinner, we both came to the decision that we really didn’t want to go at all.”
Kim Schultz, 27, was the first one to bring up the subject of not visiting the park. “I made a joke about it at the hotel, y’know, that the room was so nice that we should just sleep in instead of fighting the crowds all morning. But then it came up again at dinner, and when we realized that we were both thinking the same thing, that was it.”
Willard and Schultz are both former SFGAm annual passholders, and have truly enjoyed their visits to the chain’s Midwestern gem in the past. Willard shrugged his shoulders when asked for a rationale behind the couple’s actions.
“Beats me. I guess maybe I’m just tired of the throngs of white-trash, hostile ride operators, and bland fast food. Of course, fifteen dollars for parking might have something to do with it.”
Schultz is more specific, waving a Six Flags brochure in the air. “They’re celebrating a forty-fifth anniversary?” she asked incredulously. “What the hell is that? That makes even less sense than that ‘100 Years of Magic’ crap that Disney tried to cram down people’s throats a few years ago.”
The couple then engaged in a rapid-fire listing of possible reasons for their non-visit, including peeling paint on Déjà Vu, lackluster live show offerings, and the continued operation of Iron Wolf, the park’s torturous B&M stand-up coaster. They agree on one point, however.
“We had a much better time that day by not going to the park.” Schultz said. “We had a good breakfast, did some shopping at the Gurnee Mills mall, and took most of the afternoon driving home on country roads. It was much better than standing in line for three hours for Raging Bull, which is just going to be trimmed to death anyway.”
The couple is already in the planning stages of a trip to the park next month, which will most likely include a day of horseback riding at a local stable, and an outing at the park’s Fright Fest, when they plan to spend the day at a health spa.
--CMV
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Wild Escape To Open In Thirty Unpopulated Places
Shaking off a long-term decline in amsuement park attendance, Wild Escape announced today that it would open thirty nearly-identical amusement parks in the least-attended places it could find.
"We're starting out in West Virginia, where we're pumped to attract all four dozen citizens and their five dozen (collective) teeth," said CEO Fred Fazen. "Then we're aiming for northern Idaho, western South Dakota, southern Wisconsin, northern Louisiana, and approximately a dozen uninhabited and inaccessible islands off the coast of Oregon."
Fazen said that his company had obtained "extensive financing" by obtaining a home equity loan on his three-bedroom ranch house in suburban Indianapolis. "We've got access to $35,000, which should be plenty to make at least twenty-four more almost identical websites."
--GP
Shaking off a long-term decline in amsuement park attendance, Wild Escape announced today that it would open thirty nearly-identical amusement parks in the least-attended places it could find.
"We're starting out in West Virginia, where we're pumped to attract all four dozen citizens and their five dozen (collective) teeth," said CEO Fred Fazen. "Then we're aiming for northern Idaho, western South Dakota, southern Wisconsin, northern Louisiana, and approximately a dozen uninhabited and inaccessible islands off the coast of Oregon."
Fazen said that his company had obtained "extensive financing" by obtaining a home equity loan on his three-bedroom ranch house in suburban Indianapolis. "We've got access to $35,000, which should be plenty to make at least twenty-four more almost identical websites."
--GP
Monday, July 10, 2006
Shocking Disqualification Occurs in Internet Wood Coaster Poll
The battle for supremacy amongst coasters is nothing new; for decades, rides have done nearly anything to be noticed by those filling out rank sheets and polls. However, despite the intense competitiveness and high level of showmanship, there has always been a strong sense of gentlemanly respect displayed between the combatants. Until this weekend, perhaps, when an unprecedented turn toward bad sportsmanship may have ushered in a less civil and more aggressive era in top coaster polling, as one leading ride head-butted another.
The aggressor was the Kentucky Rumbler, a widely respected GCI woodie from Beech Bend Park. Video footage showed the Rumbler trading words with the Gravity Group's Voyage, of Holiday World, during in-season voting for the Internet Wood Coaster Poll, after the two were tangled up in a play near their sector of the country. Shortly thereafter, the Rumbler launched the vicious headbutt to the middle of the Voyage, which was not protecting itself and crumpled in a heap for several minutes before getting up under its own power. Although it could certainly be expected that such an unpleasant cheap shot would result in reduced support for the Rumbler in any case, officials took the proactive stance of issuing a red card, disqualifying the ride from any further votes for the remainder of the season.
The unsportsmanlike incident was extremely surprising, considering that the Rumbler has been a force of offense and the unquestioned leader of its park. It had been locked in a pitched battle with Voyage and other wood coasters for the title in what has long been considered the leading and most accurate coaster poll on the internet, and the loss of future votes all but eliminates it from any hope of a high position.
"I just don't understand it," said commentator Brent Mussberger. "It had a great chance at a title, and this senseless act not only ruined those hopes and those of its people, it will tarnish the Rumbler's legacy forever." Mussberger added that the new in-season ballot amending for the Internet Wood Coaster Poll seemed to be adding a previously unknown level of unpleasant energy and intensity to competitive coasters, and that this would probably not be the last time tempers would flare.
"I expect that next year will set a record for ejections and suspensions," he said, reading a cue card.
--JCK
The battle for supremacy amongst coasters is nothing new; for decades, rides have done nearly anything to be noticed by those filling out rank sheets and polls. However, despite the intense competitiveness and high level of showmanship, there has always been a strong sense of gentlemanly respect displayed between the combatants. Until this weekend, perhaps, when an unprecedented turn toward bad sportsmanship may have ushered in a less civil and more aggressive era in top coaster polling, as one leading ride head-butted another.
The aggressor was the Kentucky Rumbler, a widely respected GCI woodie from Beech Bend Park. Video footage showed the Rumbler trading words with the Gravity Group's Voyage, of Holiday World, during in-season voting for the Internet Wood Coaster Poll, after the two were tangled up in a play near their sector of the country. Shortly thereafter, the Rumbler launched the vicious headbutt to the middle of the Voyage, which was not protecting itself and crumpled in a heap for several minutes before getting up under its own power. Although it could certainly be expected that such an unpleasant cheap shot would result in reduced support for the Rumbler in any case, officials took the proactive stance of issuing a red card, disqualifying the ride from any further votes for the remainder of the season.
The unsportsmanlike incident was extremely surprising, considering that the Rumbler has been a force of offense and the unquestioned leader of its park. It had been locked in a pitched battle with Voyage and other wood coasters for the title in what has long been considered the leading and most accurate coaster poll on the internet, and the loss of future votes all but eliminates it from any hope of a high position.
"I just don't understand it," said commentator Brent Mussberger. "It had a great chance at a title, and this senseless act not only ruined those hopes and those of its people, it will tarnish the Rumbler's legacy forever." Mussberger added that the new in-season ballot amending for the Internet Wood Coaster Poll seemed to be adding a previously unknown level of unpleasant energy and intensity to competitive coasters, and that this would probably not be the last time tempers would flare.
"I expect that next year will set a record for ejections and suspensions," he said, reading a cue card.
--JCK
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Kennywood Offers Free Gas
Earlier this season, Hersheypark hit upon a creative way of attracting customers despite the obscenely high gas prices currently in place throughout the country. Any visitor to HP who stayed at the Hershey Lodge would receive a voucher for $50 worth of gas from participating establishments. Although the new strategy has been a success for Hersheypark, competitors have been seeking to create similar, but better promotions of their own.
Stepping into the fray this weekend will be Kennywood, which will offer its own free gas plan for customers. However, unlike Hershey, which requires a resort stay to receive the gas voucher, Kennywood intends to give free gas to each and every paying patron that enters the park gates.
"We're inclusive," said a park representative. "With gas prices as high as they are, it is imperative that we give everyone free gas, not just limit it to the upper-end guests who stay in big hotels that may or may not still smell like ACE members after the convention they had there several years ago."
Starting Saturday and continuing through the operating season, all guests will be treated to a huge breakfast immediately after entering the park gates. The meal will consist of bowls of bran fiber and whole milk, prunes, Dr. Pepper, spicy pepper jack cheese, hot dogs with sauerkraut, buffalo wings with extra-fiery hot sauce, chicken-fried steak with creamy white sausage gravy, pork lo mein, scrambled eggs, whole heads of garlic, lamb vindaloo, and fourteen delicious varieties of stewed beans.
"Free gas isn't just a privilege," added the rep. "It's an inalienable right that we shall not deny our visitors."
--JCK
Earlier this season, Hersheypark hit upon a creative way of attracting customers despite the obscenely high gas prices currently in place throughout the country. Any visitor to HP who stayed at the Hershey Lodge would receive a voucher for $50 worth of gas from participating establishments. Although the new strategy has been a success for Hersheypark, competitors have been seeking to create similar, but better promotions of their own.
Stepping into the fray this weekend will be Kennywood, which will offer its own free gas plan for customers. However, unlike Hershey, which requires a resort stay to receive the gas voucher, Kennywood intends to give free gas to each and every paying patron that enters the park gates.
"We're inclusive," said a park representative. "With gas prices as high as they are, it is imperative that we give everyone free gas, not just limit it to the upper-end guests who stay in big hotels that may or may not still smell like ACE members after the convention they had there several years ago."
Starting Saturday and continuing through the operating season, all guests will be treated to a huge breakfast immediately after entering the park gates. The meal will consist of bowls of bran fiber and whole milk, prunes, Dr. Pepper, spicy pepper jack cheese, hot dogs with sauerkraut, buffalo wings with extra-fiery hot sauce, chicken-fried steak with creamy white sausage gravy, pork lo mein, scrambled eggs, whole heads of garlic, lamb vindaloo, and fourteen delicious varieties of stewed beans.
"Free gas isn't just a privilege," added the rep. "It's an inalienable right that we shall not deny our visitors."
--JCK
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Mr. Six's Pandemonium To Be Fun Any Day Now
"Mr. Six's Pandemonium sucks."
So read the text message sent from two coaster enthusiasts to a friend of theirs who had recently claimed the Six Flags New England spinning mouse ride was "loads of fun." Nonplussed, the friend texted back: "Nonsense. One of you just needs to be a lot fatter than the other."
"We just kind of chuckled at that," said Dan Hafner, 36, one of the enthusiasts. "But then I got to thinking...you know, it really would be a lot easier to make a spinning coaster do its thing if you put two people opposite each other, and one was really skinny and the other was a porker. If you're roughly equivalent in size, naturally it would be too balanced to do much."
Hafner confirmed that he had weighed approximately 180 pounds when he had ridden Mr. Six, while his companion Michael Sowell, 39, weighed about 175.
Determined to have fun on Mr. Six, Hafner volunteered to pack on as many pounds as he could over the summer, the better to unbalance the spinning action on the Gerstlauer coaster. Subsisting on a diet largely comprised of massive quantities of Krispy Kremes, bowls of refined sugar, bacon, entire wheels of cheese, and raw cookie dough, and refusing to do anything but sit on his ass and watch television for two straight months, Hafner has bravely increased his weight to 256 pounds already, with an eye toward topping out at approximately 300 pounds by late-August.
When asked if this strategy wasn't a bit extreme, the enthusiast noted that "it's important for us to get to the full effect of this spectacular ride, and I will do anything to accomplish that, even if it knocks my life expectancy down by twenty years of more. I took Robert De Niro's transformation for The Untouchables as my inspiration. If he could do that to his body on behalf of his craft, so can I."
"This ride is going to be awesome once we can ride it in its full glory!" said Hafner, spooning Crisco directly out of the tub into his mouth.
--JCK
"Mr. Six's Pandemonium sucks."
So read the text message sent from two coaster enthusiasts to a friend of theirs who had recently claimed the Six Flags New England spinning mouse ride was "loads of fun." Nonplussed, the friend texted back: "Nonsense. One of you just needs to be a lot fatter than the other."
"We just kind of chuckled at that," said Dan Hafner, 36, one of the enthusiasts. "But then I got to thinking...you know, it really would be a lot easier to make a spinning coaster do its thing if you put two people opposite each other, and one was really skinny and the other was a porker. If you're roughly equivalent in size, naturally it would be too balanced to do much."
Hafner confirmed that he had weighed approximately 180 pounds when he had ridden Mr. Six, while his companion Michael Sowell, 39, weighed about 175.
Determined to have fun on Mr. Six, Hafner volunteered to pack on as many pounds as he could over the summer, the better to unbalance the spinning action on the Gerstlauer coaster. Subsisting on a diet largely comprised of massive quantities of Krispy Kremes, bowls of refined sugar, bacon, entire wheels of cheese, and raw cookie dough, and refusing to do anything but sit on his ass and watch television for two straight months, Hafner has bravely increased his weight to 256 pounds already, with an eye toward topping out at approximately 300 pounds by late-August.
When asked if this strategy wasn't a bit extreme, the enthusiast noted that "it's important for us to get to the full effect of this spectacular ride, and I will do anything to accomplish that, even if it knocks my life expectancy down by twenty years of more. I took Robert De Niro's transformation for The Untouchables as my inspiration. If he could do that to his body on behalf of his craft, so can I."
"This ride is going to be awesome once we can ride it in its full glory!" said Hafner, spooning Crisco directly out of the tub into his mouth.
--JCK
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Celebrating a Year of Being Rather Confusing to Sane People
Happy anniversary to Americans Against ARN&R. We couldn't be more happy to have you as our boycotters.
Happy anniversary to Americans Against ARN&R. We couldn't be more happy to have you as our boycotters.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Thorpe Park Turns to Alternative Blessers
Disgusted with their new Intamin coaster Stealth, Thorpe Park today released a public statement indicating that "having the local Vicar officially bless the ride before its inaugural launch" was a terrible mistake, one that the park would not make in the future.
"Next time, we're going to have a Satanist bless a new ride," said park rep Chauncy Kefauver. "The Vicar guy obviously doesn't know what he's doing if the ride broke down this bad and this soon."
"Next coaster, we'll have some chanting by devil-worshipping priests in black hoods, and maybe they'll anoint the chassis of the first ride vehicle with the blood of sacrificed virgins or something. Or maybe they'll dance naked in circles and offer prayers to the Antichrist," said Kefauver. "Whatever assures us that the f*cking ride doesn't shut down after a couple weeks."
"Hail Satan!" he added.
--JCK
Disgusted with their new Intamin coaster Stealth, Thorpe Park today released a public statement indicating that "having the local Vicar officially bless the ride before its inaugural launch" was a terrible mistake, one that the park would not make in the future.
"Next time, we're going to have a Satanist bless a new ride," said park rep Chauncy Kefauver. "The Vicar guy obviously doesn't know what he's doing if the ride broke down this bad and this soon."
"Next coaster, we'll have some chanting by devil-worshipping priests in black hoods, and maybe they'll anoint the chassis of the first ride vehicle with the blood of sacrificed virgins or something. Or maybe they'll dance naked in circles and offer prayers to the Antichrist," said Kefauver. "Whatever assures us that the f*cking ride doesn't shut down after a couple weeks."
"Hail Satan!" he added.
--JCK
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Six Flags Sucks Balls
You knew this was coming, right? If you were remotely forward-thinking a few years back, you were deeply concerned that Six Flags was buying every park on the planet and then rampantly spending itself into massive debt throwing up tons of new rides everywhere there was a foot of gravel free. Oh, sure, it's not like it was all bad...we got ourselves a few of those nice Superman rides because of all the dough SF was slinging around, and we got a lot of enjoyment out of that. But we knew it couldn't last; down the line, that spending spree was going to bite Six Flags, and by means of the "shit rolling downhill" mechanism, its customers, in their respective asses.
We'd been uneasy about this for years, but then the signs grew more alarming this offseason, as new CEO Mark Shapiro toured each park and listed the ways each sucked and/or wasn't drawing enough cash in. Did you think all that would happen was that your admission ticket prices and parking would get jacked through the roof? Silly wabbits. Each park was being cased to determine how much money it would make if it were unloaded. The sudden closing of Astroworld and the sale (as of the end of 2006) of the Wyandot Lake and Frontier City properties were not so much a warning shot across the bow as a big, fat, steel-gloved cockpunch for customers across the world.
If you had half a brain, you just knew that Six Flags was, any second now, going to dump half its properties in a massive fire sale, leaving classic rides to the wrecking ball and stranding local customers without beloved summer amusements they might have been experiencing for years or even decades. And okay, coaster enthusiasts would be deprived of credits to notch. We won't pretend part of our interest isn't selfish.
Or did you really not expect this? Boy, you're stupid, no offense. Well, here it is. The fire sale, that is. Six Flags is actively taking bids from anyone and everyone in order to rid itself of Six Flags Darien Lake, Six Flags Waterworld, Six Flags Elitch Gardens, Wild Waves and Enchanted Village, Six Flags Splashtown, and Six Flags Magic Mountain and Hurricane Harbor. Enjoy 'em while they last, kids. The official Six Flags announcement is clear that the chain does not give the slightest shit what anyone does with the properties, meaning these parks are almost all as good as dead. Six Flags might save some of the rides and distribute them elsewhere, some of the parks could be bought by others who want to run them as they are or in reduced form, or real estate developers could just take properties wholesale and bulldoze them so rich assholes can have a lakeside view and a tax credit.
Here's what we think is going to happen. We honestly think Magic Mountain is too big of a draw in the L.A. market to get pulverized. Not that it couldn't get plowed into the stone age, and not that we'll be completely shocked if it does, but our gut feeling is that someone will try to purchase the place and run it roughly as is. The rest? See ya. It was already appalling that Astroworld got the axe with almost no warning; now picture the worst-case scenario in this big sale and imagine the lines of strip malls in place of Superman: The Ride of Steel and the beautiful lakeside paths at Darien Lake Park. Or a wrecking ball bashing in the side of Timberhawk in anticipation of a new, exclusive, gated community.
Yeah, some of the rides from these parks might survive, but remember what happened with Astroworld? Easily transportable, cost-effective rides were saved and stored, while the others were demolished without a second thought. Hello, Batman: the Escape, a terrible but easily shipped and reassembled stand-up. Buh-bye, Texas Cyclone, unique (if no longer world-class) wood coaster that would have cost anything to save. You might get Darien Lake's Superman at another park next season. Then again, it might be smelted into girders for that mini-mall. And don't think the fact that you love it makes a shit's worth of difference to Six Flags.
If this wasn't already obvious, the Six Flags announcement is our Site O' the Weak, and a more deserving SOW there never was. Screw you, Six Flags.
--JCK
You knew this was coming, right? If you were remotely forward-thinking a few years back, you were deeply concerned that Six Flags was buying every park on the planet and then rampantly spending itself into massive debt throwing up tons of new rides everywhere there was a foot of gravel free. Oh, sure, it's not like it was all bad...we got ourselves a few of those nice Superman rides because of all the dough SF was slinging around, and we got a lot of enjoyment out of that. But we knew it couldn't last; down the line, that spending spree was going to bite Six Flags, and by means of the "shit rolling downhill" mechanism, its customers, in their respective asses.
We'd been uneasy about this for years, but then the signs grew more alarming this offseason, as new CEO Mark Shapiro toured each park and listed the ways each sucked and/or wasn't drawing enough cash in. Did you think all that would happen was that your admission ticket prices and parking would get jacked through the roof? Silly wabbits. Each park was being cased to determine how much money it would make if it were unloaded. The sudden closing of Astroworld and the sale (as of the end of 2006) of the Wyandot Lake and Frontier City properties were not so much a warning shot across the bow as a big, fat, steel-gloved cockpunch for customers across the world.
If you had half a brain, you just knew that Six Flags was, any second now, going to dump half its properties in a massive fire sale, leaving classic rides to the wrecking ball and stranding local customers without beloved summer amusements they might have been experiencing for years or even decades. And okay, coaster enthusiasts would be deprived of credits to notch. We won't pretend part of our interest isn't selfish.
Or did you really not expect this? Boy, you're stupid, no offense. Well, here it is. The fire sale, that is. Six Flags is actively taking bids from anyone and everyone in order to rid itself of Six Flags Darien Lake, Six Flags Waterworld, Six Flags Elitch Gardens, Wild Waves and Enchanted Village, Six Flags Splashtown, and Six Flags Magic Mountain and Hurricane Harbor. Enjoy 'em while they last, kids. The official Six Flags announcement is clear that the chain does not give the slightest shit what anyone does with the properties, meaning these parks are almost all as good as dead. Six Flags might save some of the rides and distribute them elsewhere, some of the parks could be bought by others who want to run them as they are or in reduced form, or real estate developers could just take properties wholesale and bulldoze them so rich assholes can have a lakeside view and a tax credit.
Here's what we think is going to happen. We honestly think Magic Mountain is too big of a draw in the L.A. market to get pulverized. Not that it couldn't get plowed into the stone age, and not that we'll be completely shocked if it does, but our gut feeling is that someone will try to purchase the place and run it roughly as is. The rest? See ya. It was already appalling that Astroworld got the axe with almost no warning; now picture the worst-case scenario in this big sale and imagine the lines of strip malls in place of Superman: The Ride of Steel and the beautiful lakeside paths at Darien Lake Park. Or a wrecking ball bashing in the side of Timberhawk in anticipation of a new, exclusive, gated community.
Yeah, some of the rides from these parks might survive, but remember what happened with Astroworld? Easily transportable, cost-effective rides were saved and stored, while the others were demolished without a second thought. Hello, Batman: the Escape, a terrible but easily shipped and reassembled stand-up. Buh-bye, Texas Cyclone, unique (if no longer world-class) wood coaster that would have cost anything to save. You might get Darien Lake's Superman at another park next season. Then again, it might be smelted into girders for that mini-mall. And don't think the fact that you love it makes a shit's worth of difference to Six Flags.
If this wasn't already obvious, the Six Flags announcement is our Site O' the Weak, and a more deserving SOW there never was. Screw you, Six Flags.
--JCK
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