Absolutely Reliable News & Rumors.

Fiesta Texas to Improve Realism of Boardwalk Area

Six Flags Fiesta Texas has long been known as having one of the most beautiful settings of any amusement park, and its theming has been outstanding to match. But its management has always felt that its "Fiesta Bay Boardwalk" was somehow lacking. It had the boardwalk, the games, the flat rides, and a beautifully-located ferris wheel -- but it still didn't quite click, according to park manager Maria Valdez.

"And then it came to us -- it doesn't feel like a real beach boardwalk because it's too darn clean!" exclaims Valdez, clearly enthusiastic about the park's plans to revitalize the area. "So we went out to California and walked around Santa Cruz a bit. We picked up all the garbage we found there and dumped it all over that area of our park, and every day, we bus in a bunch of day laborers to urinate all around the area to add to the ambience, and they then loiter around glaring at guests -- some really get into it and mutter obscenities all day long. And after we just hinted at moving the park out of the city limits, San Antonio has allowed us to bring in crack dealers to wander the area selling our guests a high beyond that provided by our rides, with no risk of criminal liability on our part."

Future plans for "realityfying" the area (Valdez's term) include bringing in prostitutes to wander the area, the spreading of medical waste in the "beach" area, and convicted criminals operating the games.