Friday, May 30, 2003

Ticked Off Enthusiast Misled By Movie

This past weekend, coaster enthusiast Anthony Montana got really ticked off, according to witnesses. Apparently, the self-described "coaster master" felt betrayed and confused by the recent movie A Mighty Wind.

Montana's confusion apparently stemmed from a scene in the movie that showed a huge roller coaster called Whiplash, supposedly located at an amusement park in Tallahassee, Florida. Montana's best friend, Manny Rodriguez, laughed as he related to ARN&R how excited Montana was to fly to the Florida state capitol on short notice and at great expense, just so he could be one of the first riders to experience the majestic splendor of Whiplash. "I kept telling that dumbass that there is no park in Tallahassee, and that the coaster in the film looked like it was Six Flags Magic Mountain’s Deja Vu with a new name plastered on it, but he wasn’t listening. What a moron."

Upon arriving at the gloriously huge and modern Tallahassee airport, Montana encountered great difficulty in getting someone to show him how to get to the amusement park in town. "Everybody kept claiming there wasn’t one, or told me I was stupid. Why wouldn’t the people in this town be aware of a big new ride like Whiplash right in their backyard? It's a wonder the stupid place stays open, with fools like this living around here." After unsuccessfully searching for the coaster for two full days, Montana took in all the sights of 'Hassee, which basically consist of a nice restaurant called Cool Beans, a state capitol that looks like giant male genitals, loads of dirt, some rednecks, and plenty of drunk frat boy date rapists.

Leaving the city without ever having ridden Whiplash, Montana sneered out the window of his plane and gave the city of Tallahassee the middle finger while yelling out: "Say 'ello to my little friend!"


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