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Patriot Organization Targets Six Flags

The John Birch Society recently issued a warning to readers of its magazine, The New American, citing Six Flags Theme Parks as "suspiciously Communist."

The author, Chad T. Johnson, describes a typical day at a SF Theme Park: “After giving away the right to freely come and go by paying admission, patrons are subjected to constant queueing, much like in Communist Russia.” The article goes on to speculate that the theme parks are “Communist Training Centers” that are being used to dull true Americans' senses and fool them into believing that a great reward (i.e., a roller coaster ride) awaits them at the end of the line. Johnson also makes note of the student work-exchange program at Six Flags parks, which he claims are “dominated by young people from the Eastern Bloc, in an obvious attempt to confuse Americans into thinking that Communist values go hand in hand with Bugs Bunny and ‘Great America.’”

“Today, it’s funnel cakes – but tomorrow, these same people will be lining up for toilet paper!” said an anonymous member of the organization, known generally for its completely bat-sh*t insane members, interviewed at a local chapter near Appleton, Wisconsin. “Isn’t it disturbing that nearly 98% of US Citizens are within an eight hour drive from un-American activity such as this? Six Flags must be stopped!”

Gary Story, President and Chief Operating Officer for Six Flags, made this statement: “No Comment. Comrade.”

--MMS