Absolutely Reliable News & Rumors.

Golden Opportunity Wasted

Virulent despisers of ARN&R made a tremendous error Sunday, sources tell ARN&R. Apparently, the Editor-in-Chief and a longtime writer and occasional assistant editor for the blog were both viewed enjoying the rides at Six Flags New England this Sunday, yet no apparent attempts on their life were made.

“It seemed unwise for us to be seen together at a public venue, particularly an amusement park where we might be recognized by ACE and Coasterbuzz lunatics intent on ending our snippy and sarcastic ways,” said the Editor-in-Chief. “However, we bravely went forward into the pit of terror that is Six Flags New England without any bodyguards or fully automatic armaments.”

“We’re just f&$king studs to show balls like that,” added the mildly inebriated JCK. “Considering all that hate mail and the random death threats we receive, we could’ve cowered in shame, wetting our pants, but instead we hung out together and acted like coaster tools for the day. Take that, bee-yatches!”

Haters of the site are apparently livid. “Aw, crap. How did we miss sending an assassination squad after them?” asked ACE Happy Special Benevolent Friend for Life Carole Sanderson. “I’d love to work that burr out of my ass. Another time, ARN&R scum, another time….” She then cackled shrilly.

“Thouse assholes beign too stuopid I hate thems why we not findig them to get ride if?” read a statement from lawyers representing the Coaster Preservation Club and Gordon Beeferman.

Inside sources report that the sources may or may not appear together at amusement parks sometime in September. The wet work squads of the American Coaster Enthusiasts and the CPC are said to be in intense training in the case that this information proves to be true.

--JCK