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Dorney Park To Get Rid Of Her Coolies

Dorney Park issued a press release earlier this week indicating that she was finally getting rid of her coolies opting to replace them with cool new steel drink coasters instead. The enthusiast world has been in quite a tizzy ever since.

Coolies, as all true roller-coaster enthusiasts know, are those totally cool and extremely functional foam aluminum beverage can covers. Not only do they keep your drinks refreshingly chilled even in the longest of Talon lines, but they are also fun to collect and trade with all of your coolie-coveting friends.

ACE member, Margaret "Coolie" Kuptrik worried that Dorney's decision was a sign of more ominous coolie-related closures to come.

"If Dorney decides she doesn't need her coolies anymore, then what's to stop Bone Island Bob and The Professional Hooker from making the same sickening coolie-cutting decision? Before you know it, we coolie enthusiasts will have nowhere left to go to satisfy our coolie cravings. We'll be forced to start wrapping our Tabs and Frescas in aluminum foil again. Oh, what a world," lamented Kuptrik.

Frequent roller coaster newsgroup poster, HerCooliesRoolies, immediately spit out a post to RRC, CoasterBuzz and CCC (CoolieClubCrowd) begging the coolie-loving public to join him in a letter-writing and e-mail protest against Dorney's latest decision.

"We can't let her do this," pleaded HerCooliesRoolies. "We all lose if Dorney Park removes her coolies. Now, don't get me wrong, I like fancy steel drink coasters just as much as the next guy, but isn't there room at Dorney for her coolies and for her new steel drink coasters? I certainly think so, and I hope that you do too. I urge all of you to join me in protest. Send your poorly worded e-mails and essentially illegible letters to Dorney Park today. Together, we can save the coolies," declared HerCooliesRoolies.

In a related story, Scrapoetry.com has assured ARN&R reporters that their version of the coolie is indeed here to stay. We can all certainly be very thankful for that.

--JWS