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Very Special Rerun

So, you see, we're kinda busy today, and we really meant to do our homework, but we got distracted by, y'know, stuff. So we thought we'd provide our faithful readers (both of you!) with a rerun of one of our favorites that you might have missed, since it ran back when even fewer people visited. With the offseason upon us, we figure you might be looking for a hobby. No need to thank us.

Enthusiast Planning to Get Really Into Porn During Offseason

This article originally appeared last October.

As the amusement park season comes to an end, many enthusiasts start thinking about what to do with their free time during the following six months. Some do crafts, others travel, and still others obsessively visit coaster-oriented sites every 45 minutes hoping for an update on what program the flat rides at their home park will be running.

But Paul Fedder has decided to go in an entirely different direction: pornography.

"I figured, that's something I can obsess about even more disturbingly than I do coasters, it allows me to maintain my hours-at-a-time on the computer I'm already used to, and it'll educate me enough that I'll be a real catch once I enter the dating pool," said the seventeen-year-old Fedder, who says he's "saving himself for college girls."

Fedder has already obtained several false adult identification numbers for access to those sites that require age verification, and used his dad's credit card to obtain over five hundred dollars in PayPal funds for paying for private sites. He says he's still getting the lay of the pornographic land, but thinks that he'll gravitate towards "classic porn, just like I love the classic wooden coasters, going up and down and up and down and up and down..." His voice trailed off.

"I gotta go."