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Disneyland, Seeking Hipster Audience, Announces New Wammo Coaster

In a move designed to attract the long-ignored slacker amusement park audience, Disneyland today announced a surprise new attraction for the 2004 season. The ride will be a low-speed non-inverting roller coaster called "The Wammo Coaster: Faster Than the Speed of Suck," and will be themed after the life and loves of Austin, Texas-based performance artist, singer, and poet Wammo.

"We've never really made an effort to go after the crowd of pot-smoking long-hairs who are really into poetry slams and acoustic blues-jazz with occasional country-hip-hop blends thrown in, and now's the time to get them," said Disney spokesman Brian Murdy. "And there's nobody better than Wammo to draw in those crowds!"

Wammo, known both for his solo work (including the album Faster Than the Speed of Suck from which the ride's name was borrowed) and for playing with the Asylum Street Spankers, was said to be pleased with the arrangement.

"I understand they'll be playing Antifreeze in line at some of the kids' rides, and we're talking about setting up a whole themed area at Disney's California Adventure all about my song Beer," said the singer in an exclusive ARN&R interview.

The actual coaster will be built by Vekoma and will feature a new interactive component: Riders will wear specially-designed "beer goggles" designed to make the ride much more attractive and every other person on the ride seem far more attractive.

The singer's smash hit single "Hick Hop" will be played by very small musicians in each coaster train, reflecting the singer's strong preference to avoid what he calls "the demon electricity" in the amplification or creation of music.