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Gyro Swing Whets Appetites

Amusement park enthusiasts are salivating over the possibility of riding the new Intamin Gyro Swing, set to open in late 2004 at Australia's Dreamworld Park.

Said ACE member Tobey Bilger, 25, "I can't wait to get to Australia. Ever since I saw pics of the first Gyro Swing at Drayton Manor, I've been just drooling nonstop!"

"Mmmmmmmm...." said flat ride lover Robin D. Cox, 50. "Swing look yummy. Yummy!" A trickle of saliva then worked its way out of the side of his mouth and dribbled down into his collar.

"We are pleased to announce the addition of a new Intamin Gyro Swing to Dreamworld," said park rep Lonnie Borneman. "This ride combines the terrifying thrill of a giant spinning flat ride with amazingly succulent flavor. As the entire ride, except for the restraints and gears, is made of thinly shaved char-grilled lamb and tzatziki sauce, passengers can experience a wondrous taste sensation in their mouths even as they are tensing their sphincters in fright!"

According to Borneman, queasy passengers will have little to fear from the ride, as "test riders claim the ride's tasty meat structure tastes almost as good the second time."

"This is the best!" yelled park enthusiast Anthony Nolde, 30, as he slavered uncontrollably in anticipation. "Every enthusiast knows there are only two important things in life: hard core thrill rides and tasty, greasy food. But every park I've ever been to, you have to ride something and then go eat something, then ride, then eat, then ride, then eat. All that walking from the gravy fries or chili cheese dogs to the coasters always wears me out, and I've never thought it was fair of the parks to torture me that way. But Dreamworld has solved all my problems with the new Gyro Swing, where I can happily gorge myself on young sheep flesh while spinning violently in circles. Book me a ticket right now!"

--JCK