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Flat Ride Debuts at Paramount's King's Dominion

A day long-awaited arrived at Paramount's King's Dominion yesterday, as the park unveiled its new signature flat ride, Sir Mix-A-Lot. The heavily-themed Zamperla Mixer is located on a platform above the park's signature Lake Charles. Unlike other rides in the park, Sir Mix-A-Lot will not be a part of any themed land, but is intended to stand alone as its own entity.

"Although the basic ride flips passengers around in time-tested ways, the extensive theming is what makes our ride unique," said PKD public relations director Flapjack Fishhead. "Note that the entire ride is custom-shaped to look like a nice, big, juicy, meaty, round ass. Park guests will just be beggin' for a piece of that bubble, don't you think?"

"This ride looks totally awesome," said theme park lover Thad Marks, 49. "It really looks like it's down to get the friction on. It's themed great, and it has lots of speed and a long ride cycle. It turns around and sticks you out. Even white boys got to shout!"

The site of the new ride had long been rumored as the eventual home of a second coaster that would intertwine with the nearby Ananconda, an Arrow four-looper. When asked whether this second rumored coaster might have been a better fit for the area than a booty-themed flat ride, Riddell held up a hand and informed reporters that "my Anaconda don't want none unless it's got buns."

"Ungh!" he added.

Aside from the extensive butt theming of Sir Mix-A-Lot, the ride also features a clear observation wall completely surrounding the ride, so that, according to Fishhead, excited guests can "put 'em on the glass" if they feel so inclined.

--JCK