Tuesday, June 22, 2004

New Homoerotic Lord of the Rings Simulator Hits the Market

The Wacky Funtime Rides Corporation has just released a Lord of the Rings-themed simulator. Touted for the high level of thrills it provides within its very small footprint, the film takes riders on an epic journey through Middle Earth.

The unusual twist to this particular ride is that it is the first overtly gay-friendly attraction based on a major movie franchise. Passengers pay a fee for the ride, and are then allowed to select from a large array of possible homoerotic scenes they wish to experience. Due to the large number of man-love scenarios available to passengers, there should be nearly an infinite number of possible different ride experiences, say company reps.

Much like the rollercoaster-themed small simulators that began appearing a number of years back, the LOTR-themed rides feature a cabin with room for two passengers. Three different scenes demonstrating Middle Earth-dwellers in hot man-on-man, or Hobbit-on-Hobbit, or Elf-on-Orc, action are selected by the riders; a film based on the three scenes is shown in 3D while the cabin rotates along with it.

"We've had a limited release in the past week to test the market for this type of attraction," said one Wacky Fun representative, appearing at a trial run for the new ride at a Jackson, Mississippi mall. "For instance, we've had amazing success testing the ride out in places like Dollywood, Visionland, and Six Flags Over Texas. We expect hundreds of these babies to be shipping to malls, fun centers, and other amusement parks within the next couple months."

The rep noted that the three most popular scenes being chosen thus far were Sam and Frodo: Distraction, Boromir/Pippin, and Legolas+Gimli, but that Hobbits was rapidly coming from behind.

Those who rode the new attraction at the Wacky Fun demonstration in Jackson certainly seemed pleased. One particularly excited young man, leaping out of the pod after his completed ride, even cried out "this ride is totally gay!"

--JCK
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