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Batwing Causes Anal Bleeding, Claims Enthusiast

Batwing, the Vekoma Flyer at at widely-worshipped and beloved Six Flags America, causes anal bleeding, according to an enthusiast who rode it two days ago.

"That thing sucks!" sputtered Antoine Chavez, 30. "There's been blood in my stool all day from riding that piece of crap."

Under thorough examination, it was discovered that Batwing was possibly only an indirect cause of his gory discharge. Apparently the ride caused him severe headaches and neck strain, which led him to take large amounts of Motrin.

"Huh," said Chavez when shown the bottle of the pain reliever. "So you're only supposed to take six tablets in any 24 hour period, eh? Well, I took twenty. But I'm not fully convinced that my butt is hemorrhaging because I don't bother to read labels. I still think Batwing probed me or something."

--JCK