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New Dostoevsky-Themed Amusement Park To Open In Czech Republic

In response to England's plan to build a Dickens-inspired park, the Czech government announced yesterday that it will be investing 78 million dollars on a new theme park to be inspired by the great works and life of Russian novelist Fyodor Dostoevsky.

The park, which will span over ten square miles, will open with only six attractions. Park management has already declared they do not feel the need to add more attractions to the park, preferring that guests "wander through the void" in "a futile search for amusement." A source has indicated that the park will have no paths or signage.

The park's signature attraction, once guests find it, will be "Notes from the Underground," for which the park will be building a 2,400-seat amphitheater. Upon entering the ride, guests will be strapped and locked into their seats while headphones designed to block out all external noise will be fitted on their heads. At this point, the lights will go out and the guests will sit in the amphitheater in black silence. The ride time for this attraction is estimated to be approximately 7 hours.

Other elements planned for the park include The Brothers Karamazov costumed characters, the Crime and Punishment food court, and the Russian Winter skyride, whose cars will be set at -17 degrees fahrenheit and will
contain no windows.

The park expects to make its primary profit from the Dostoevsky Midway. Games on the midway will cost $100 to play, and offer no chance of winning. Guests will, however, be allowed to play on credit.

--MOS