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Enthusiast Told What He Already Knows

Tom Williams of Indianapolis, Indiana was recently told by Match.com that he is incompatible with their selection of individuals.

Dejected, Williams said, "Yeah. I got this e-mail that was really cheery and said 'We're sorry, but it happens that there is no one within the Match.com database that fits you at this time. We will continue to screen our hundreds of thousands of applicants and will notify you when someone fitting your likes and dislikes applies. Have a great day!' Dude, that sucked."

Williams, a 27 year-old Best Buy employee and member of the Southwest Ohio Amusement Park Historical Society isn’t quite sure why no one out there is a match. "Come on, I know I am little bit nerdy, but seriously, there have to be some women out there that enjoy talking about Revenge of the Sith and Holiday World."

Match.com representative Donna Billings said that although they try to find compatibility for everyone, for some people companionship, love, or even mere friendship just isn’t in the cards. Donna, who only agreed to speak with me off the record in order to keep a good corporate face on the online dating company, said (a bit sarcastically), "Let’s face it. There are just some real f*$#ing losers out there. Yeah, there are a lot of women into Rush, roller coasters and Play Station games where you get to be a storm trooper. The girls just melt for men like that. Hey, when does this interview begin?" At that point this ARN&R reporter left the room.

Our dejected hero has vowed to fight on, determined to find the woman of his dreams. Williams noted, "I know there has to be a woman turned on by my ability to quote the statistics of every coaster in Indiana and the fact that I can name every Sith. Ladies, lets get it on!"

--FMB