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Frontier City Accused of Throwing Games for Chance at Drafting Bush

In an editorial that has rocked the football world, sports columnist Roger Blue yesterday accused Oklahoma City's Frontier City amusement park of intentionally failing in an effort to obtain the first draft pick in next year's draft, presumably to obtain running back Reggie Bush.

"This strategy likely started way back when the park first decided not to install [mine train] Excalibur and have it just sit there rusting," wrote Blue. "And it became obvious when that ride was shipped to Six Flags Over Texas. Management may have well formally announced: 'We will lose all of our games this year and we want Reggie Bush.' Nightmare Train's status [as standing but not operating] for five years is obviously part of that strategy as well," Blue added.

The park denied that it was failing intentionally. "Sure, having 'Free Urine Spray Day' in the park turned out to be a bad idea in retrospect, but we thought it was a heck of an idea for cooling down in the Oklahoma summer," said Nellie Kokesh, park spokeswoman. "But it certainly wasn't an effort to have a disastrous season."

NFL analysts predict that Bush would instantly become the park's starting running back and could make the park a contender. "He's got the ability to avoid tacklers right out of the box; he's an instant impact player," said Michael Irvin (who, according to ARN&R's drug test, was not at that moment high on crack). "I've always thought Wildcat was an underrated quarterback who just needed a good back to establish the running game and give the play-action credibility. With Wild Kitty as a down-the-field threat at receiver and Diamond Back as fullback, this team immediately can contend for the NFC North championship."