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REW Protest at Six Flags America Unsuccessful

A protest arranged by the REW (Rotoshake Enthusiasts of the World) in front of Largo, Maryland's Six Flags America was a total failure, say witnesses. Six Flags America recently spent thousands of dollars to rip out their installation of the Rotoshake, the well-adored Iron Eagle; this promptly drew the ire of REW, which seeks to protect and celebrate the world's treasured and rapidly vanishing star of the midway, the Zamperla-build puke ride generically known as the Rotoshake.

Arranged to draw attention to the "callous removal of a beloved icon," the protest was intended to feature large crowds waving anti-Six Flags banners and shaking their fists, possibly culminating in numerous REW members drawing attention to the ride's plight by being dragged off to jail. Unfortunately, nothing of the sort occurred, as the highway leading past SFA was as serene and uncrowded as any other day when the park is not open. Not a single protestor showed up to demand an end to the destruction of a rare and priceless Rotoshake.

However, it doesn't end there. After much research, ARN&R has discovered that REW not only failed to send any protestors to SFA at the scheduled time, but that REW actually does not have any members whatsoever. None. The only puzzling fact is how an organization could exist, have a name, and have a scheduled protest they could fail to attend, without possessing a single member, but apparently it happened somehow.

"I guess nobody gives a shit about whether a park keeps a really painful flat ride or not," said a random bored-looking guy standing in his front yard in nearby Bowie, Maryland. The man said he might get annoyed if Six Flags America tried to get rid of Karaoke in the Crazy Horse Saloon, however.

--JCK