Thursday, January 18, 2007

Shapiro To Whore Out Every Inch Of Six Flags Parks In 2007

Following the blockbuster announcement naming Heinz the Official Ketchup of the Six Flags chain of parks, CEO Mark Shapiro announced today the largest collection of sponsorship deals in amusement park history. The collection involves hundreds of sponsors, and when implemented, will blanket every Six Flags park in existence.

“We’ve already got Official Pizzas and Official Ketchups of Six Flags, but why stop there?” Shapiro asked on a carbon-copied post on dozens of Six Flags fan site forums. “Now, due to these new sponsorship deals, our guests will be guaranteed nothing but the best experience at our parks.”

According to Shapiro, guests will see the changes immediately as Halliburton takes over as Official Parking Lot Operators of Six Flags, as well as becoming the Official Ticketing System Controllers of Six Flags and the Official War Profiteers of Six Flags. Other changes include Morton’s as the Official Salt of Six Flags, Sweetheart as the Official Napkin of Six Flags, and Black Oak Arkansas as the Official Restroom Muzak Band of Six Flags.

Conspicuously missing are any Official Cleaning Products of Six Flags. Shapiro states that the company is “already in a good place” concerning that situation.

--CMV
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6 comments:

  1. Anonymous4:38 PM

    What do you care? Since when do parks matter to you?

    Btw - everyone I know likes Black Oak, so why not have their music playing in restrooms. Sounds great to me.

    AA

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous6:01 PM

    Black Oak Arkansas is good but I have to say there are bands I like better because there kind've old.

    Gandolf

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous7:58 PM

    ^
    I still can't believe you're letting this go on.

    Weekly

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous10:18 PM

    Which weekly? AA or me? What do you mean by this?

    Gandolf

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous9:18 PM

    Let's see. Um, yeah, both of you.


    Weekly

    ReplyDelete
  6. WildOnesCoasterClub7:11 PM

    If you mean you can't see why ARNR is letting this go on it's because they can't stop it! The Boycott is everywhere Weekly. Everywhere! We will never stop! We will never give up! We will never surrender! Resistance is futile! In the words of the post-darkside-turned Anakin Skywalker, "Join us or die!"

    ReplyDelete

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