Friday, February 23, 2007

Los Angeles Homeless Man Refuses To Live In Home Constructed From Psyclone Remains

He may live in a Whirlpool refrigerator box, said Los Angeles transient Andy “Rickets” Delaney, but he still has standards.

This week, Delaney rejected a Six Flags Magic Mountain offer to build him a mini-bungalow from the remains of Psyclone, the park’s Dinn Corporation wooden coaster. Psyclone is slated to be demolished later this year, and Six Flags decided to put the remains to good use by building several domiciles for the Los Angeles area homeless. But Delaney would have none of that.

“You gotta be crazy!” Delaney bellowed at ARN&R hack CMV during an interview over a bottle of Four Roses wine. “I used to live in the dumpster out back of the Hamburger Hamlet in Valencia. I know what that coaster did to people. No way am I living in a house made outta that wood! It’s cursed, I tell you! Cursed!”

Scratching his lice-infested scalp, Delaney continued. “I may be a bum, but I ain’t stupid. I would either wake up everyday with a splitting headache, or the whole damn thing would collapse on me some night. Thanks, but no thanks. I’ll take my chances out on the street with the weather, the wild dogs, and the gangs.”

“That was the last reaction I expected to hear,” said SFMM Public Relations Manager Karen Eden, when informed of Delaney’s refusal. “It’s a win-win situation for everyone. The park gets to free up some land for an exciting and dynamic new adventure, and that displaced man gets a roof over his head. I don’t see what the problem is.”

Showing surprising knowledge of the amusement park industry for a man who survives on fare scavenged from garbage cans, Delaney stated that Magic Mountain is fooling no one with their claims of an exciting and dynamic new adventure. He also stated that he’d rather eat off the floor of the Los Angeles Greyhound bus terminal than dine at the park’s new Johnny Rocket’s Express.

--
CMV

21 comments:

  1. Anonymous10:03 AM

    That's way overstated. I'm actually looking forward to chunks of it being given away at ACE event raffles. Coaster chunks are great prizes.

    T

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  2. Anonymous10:35 AM

    Being a supporter of "Habitat F.H."
    I find it hard to believe a homeless person would reject benevolence service in this manner.

    Penn

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  3. Anonymous10:52 AM

    Arn&r has written countless humerous articles over the years about Psyclone. I'm going to miss all the write-ups about it.

    Pensive

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous2:44 PM

    I've never been on Psyclone so I can't speak to whether this is exagerrated.

    Fran

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  5. It's exagerrated Fran person. ARNR rips on almost anything Six Flags.
    Some consider them partly responsible for the closing of Astroworld.

    AA

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  6. Anonymous4:00 PM

    And some consider you partly responsible for every other problem in the world.

    Meg

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous5:59 PM

    Meg, I know you secretly love me.
    Even Jl57 thinks it's odd you keep coming around if you don't secretly like us.

    AA

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  8. Meg? They let you out? Just remember, 300 feet. 300 feet.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous7:34 PM

    Only you, AmericanAgainst, consider ARN&R partly responsible for the closing of AstroWorld.

    In fact, only 0.0000000157044550092518595746% of the world's population think that way (based on a world population of 6,367,619,885 people).

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous8:37 PM

    I'm part of that tiny percentile. Astroworld used to be my home park.
    It was during that whole closing thing and AAARNR exposing arn&r's smack that I become one of the people against arn&r.

    T (for "Texas")

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  11. Anonymous8:40 PM

    You must be the one person in this world that feels that way... because that percentage is equal to one person... just one.

    If anyone else feels this way, then you're just trying to be like him. If he jumped off a bridge, would you follow?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous12:39 AM

    I feel like him, but only about the Japan Trip incident.

    Japan Tripper

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  13. Anonymous2:00 PM

    I really like this article. I've been on Psyclone, and this almost isn't a stretch to imagine. I really like this article.

    Tim

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  14. Anonymous6:04 PM

    I heard somewhere that the author of this author likes pro wrestling.

    T-Coast

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous6:05 PM

    "author of this article"
    I meant to say

    T

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous6:20 PM

    I have good reason to believe ALL the people at AAARNR are complete dweebs as opposed to "maybe" dweebs.

    Meg

    ReplyDelete
  17. I heard that Meg is jealous of Colleen.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous1:03 AM

    Yeah, I wish I lived in Minnesota.

    Meg

    ReplyDelete
  19. . . . and that you were hot. Hey thanks for the latest set of pictures by the way. That little red teddy would look really nice on someone else.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Im a prime example of, Be careful what you ask for.

    Funky, Still having nightmares over Meg pics.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous5:25 PM

    sounds like mr. delaney is a hunk of a man...

    ReplyDelete