Absolutely Reliable News & Rumors.

Cedar Fair's Expansion of PKI Parking Lot Vending Runs Into a Snag

Like all amusement park chains, Cedar Fair is always on the lookout for a new profit center, whether it's on-ride pictures, premium parking, or paid line-jumping. Earlier this season, they thought they had a sure winner at Kings Island, one that might even make up for the bad press related to the loop removal on Son of Beast: Heroin sales in the parking lot.

"It'd be perfect for calming patrons down before they come in," said park spokesman Roger Machina. "And you haven't seen our fireworks displays until you've seen them on crank. Or so I'm told. I certainly don't know." So the park started its new project, retrofitting a Dippin' Dots cart, now called the "Rolling Smack Shack." Business was good, until unfortunately a NASCAR truck racer was arrested for possession of illegal substances.

"Turns out it's illegal," said Machina, shaking his head. "We had no idea. And we had huge future plans, including a celebrity tie-in, where we were in talks with Courtney Love to make the cart 'Kurt Cobain's Rolling Smack Shack.'"

Plans to sell actual handguns at the "Shoot 'Em Up" midway game have also been put on hold.

--GP