Welcome to Our Planet, Brian Ramsey!
From the "What the hell was that about?" category comes this e-mail, from one Brian Ramsey at a UK e-mail address:
WE ARE MOST UPSET BY THE USE O9F [sic] OUR FAMOUS BAND'S NAME THIS E MAIL CARRIES A LARGE PEICE [sic] OF OUR DRUMMERS [sic] NASAL DROPINGS [sic] WHICH WILL CLOG YOUR CHIP ANS [sic] NOT YOUR FISH.
Well, ah, em, er. If had any idea what your band's name was, or really if we had any idea what the hell you were talking about, we would...well, we'd probably make fun of you anyway, if for nothing else for that "nasal dropings" thing. But as it is, we'll just shrug and say, in a loud and clear voice: Huh?
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
These Aren't the Droids You're Looking For
Once in a while, we get to browsing our logbooks here at ARN&R, and we're generally perplexed with the weird internet searches through which people locate our humble amusement park satire. Amongst the thousands (you think we're kidding, don't you?) of requests for information about Paris Hilton and her various skanky activities, as well as the ever-present quest for information on Jessica Alba belching, we've lately noticed these bizarre searches:
Star Jones Stomach Staple
Eeeeewwwwwwww!
Kyan Douglas Jersey
This just seems odd. Does Bravo Network make jerseys bearing a team name or number for any of the Queer Eye stars? It seems unlikely, since they tend to trash any sports apparel they find in the homes of the guys they make over. In any case, we're sorry to report that we do not carry any Kyan Douglas-themed products. However, we do have a lovely ARN&R Trucker Cap and Beast Thong amongst our Winter line of products at the ARN&R Online Shoppe.
Halle Barre in Boxing Outfit
If you're going to have a fetish, it might as well be specific...
Hazing Details and Pictures
Aw, s**t. Did some frat boy jackass find our site by accident? Sorry, this webpage is not a primer for how you can be a more successful date-rapist, get your penis branded with a coat hanger, commit noise ordinance violations, or piss off the roof of your frat house on people. Go away.
--JCK
Once in a while, we get to browsing our logbooks here at ARN&R, and we're generally perplexed with the weird internet searches through which people locate our humble amusement park satire. Amongst the thousands (you think we're kidding, don't you?) of requests for information about Paris Hilton and her various skanky activities, as well as the ever-present quest for information on Jessica Alba belching, we've lately noticed these bizarre searches:
Star Jones Stomach Staple
Eeeeewwwwwwww!
Kyan Douglas Jersey
This just seems odd. Does Bravo Network make jerseys bearing a team name or number for any of the Queer Eye stars? It seems unlikely, since they tend to trash any sports apparel they find in the homes of the guys they make over. In any case, we're sorry to report that we do not carry any Kyan Douglas-themed products. However, we do have a lovely ARN&R Trucker Cap and Beast Thong amongst our Winter line of products at the ARN&R Online Shoppe.
Halle Barre in Boxing Outfit
If you're going to have a fetish, it might as well be specific...
Hazing Details and Pictures
Aw, s**t. Did some frat boy jackass find our site by accident? Sorry, this webpage is not a primer for how you can be a more successful date-rapist, get your penis branded with a coat hanger, commit noise ordinance violations, or piss off the roof of your frat house on people. Go away.
--JCK
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
Coasterbuzz to Add Three More Popup Windows to Total Six Windows Every Click, Announces New Partnership With Kazaa, Cydoor
Coasterbuzz, a website already much maligned for its 3+ popup windows on every click of a link, has announced that it will soon be adding three more popup windows per click. In addition, Coasterbuzz will begin running ActiveX controls within two of the windows that will automatically install Cydoor and the Kazaa Media Desktop Manager on the user's machine.
"Look, doing this website isn't free; we generate a lot of traffic," said owner Jeff Putz when reached for comment. "If someone wants to 'Opt Out,’ they can do so by paying me. In cold hard cash. It's all about the Benjamins, baby. BOOYAH!"
Putz received additional criticism for creating the new popups approximately one month before he announced he was doing so, thereby infecting approximately 22,000 computers with the Cydoor spyware trojan without their awareness.
"Look," Putz declared, "if they are coming to my site and not paying me money, they deserve whatever inconveniences they get. These leeches just take and take; they don't understand how much hard work it is for me to take five minutes out of my day to take a three-sentence blurb out of my Google News Alerts. It's really hard work that I deserve to be well compensated for."
Putz then added that anyone who complained about the spyware, or offered any information on how to remove it or to block popups on the Coaterbuzz forums would be immediately banned and the thread deleted.
Putz concluded by stating, "It's about time that these parasites learn that my site is not about them or their opinions or their computers not having spyware, it is about me, my opinions, and my need to make my site about as annoying and frustrating to navigate as a gay fetish porno site. Understood? Good! Thread closed!"
--MOS
Coasterbuzz, a website already much maligned for its 3+ popup windows on every click of a link, has announced that it will soon be adding three more popup windows per click. In addition, Coasterbuzz will begin running ActiveX controls within two of the windows that will automatically install Cydoor and the Kazaa Media Desktop Manager on the user's machine.
"Look, doing this website isn't free; we generate a lot of traffic," said owner Jeff Putz when reached for comment. "If someone wants to 'Opt Out,’ they can do so by paying me. In cold hard cash. It's all about the Benjamins, baby. BOOYAH!"
Putz received additional criticism for creating the new popups approximately one month before he announced he was doing so, thereby infecting approximately 22,000 computers with the Cydoor spyware trojan without their awareness.
"Look," Putz declared, "if they are coming to my site and not paying me money, they deserve whatever inconveniences they get. These leeches just take and take; they don't understand how much hard work it is for me to take five minutes out of my day to take a three-sentence blurb out of my Google News Alerts. It's really hard work that I deserve to be well compensated for."
Putz then added that anyone who complained about the spyware, or offered any information on how to remove it or to block popups on the Coaterbuzz forums would be immediately banned and the thread deleted.
Putz concluded by stating, "It's about time that these parasites learn that my site is not about them or their opinions or their computers not having spyware, it is about me, my opinions, and my need to make my site about as annoying and frustrating to navigate as a gay fetish porno site. Understood? Good! Thread closed!"
--MOS
Sunday, January 11, 2004
Bush Confident U.S. Forces Will Locate Weapon
United States Dictator for All Eternity George W. Bush announced today that U.S. Forces, or perhaps Coalition troops from Trinidad & Tobago or Palau or Macedonia, would definitely be uncovering secret Iraqi weapons any second now.
"We have very creditable evidences that there are indeed a weapon, and that the Iraqis were planning on to using them and that we will have them real soon like so it was real good we stopped them," Bush babbled to reporters.
"We have very strong proof that Iraq had developed a launched, inverting bobsled coaster," said Bush, picking his nose. "The development of this weapon for use in the worldwide coaster wars would have endangered the freedom-loving peoples of Iraq and of our great nation and our coaster manufracturating firms, and it had to be stopped. We just need to find this prototype which definitely exists but we just have not founded it yet but it's really there. Another seventeen years over there and I'm totally sure we'll locate it. Or plant one of our own, if we need to."
Bush also added that he had received "really accurate and not at all made-up" reports from "some dude" that indicate the U.S. may need to invade Russia to locate and destroy a wood coaster that jumps over spaces in the tracks, Finland to eliminate the threat posed by a launched backward stand-up coaster, and Utah to "stop the potential coaster war danger posed by that awesome twenty-year-old, never-purchased Arrow Pipeline prototype they always love to show in the coaster specials on TV."
--JCK
United States Dictator for All Eternity George W. Bush announced today that U.S. Forces, or perhaps Coalition troops from Trinidad & Tobago or Palau or Macedonia, would definitely be uncovering secret Iraqi weapons any second now.
"We have very creditable evidences that there are indeed a weapon, and that the Iraqis were planning on to using them and that we will have them real soon like so it was real good we stopped them," Bush babbled to reporters.
"We have very strong proof that Iraq had developed a launched, inverting bobsled coaster," said Bush, picking his nose. "The development of this weapon for use in the worldwide coaster wars would have endangered the freedom-loving peoples of Iraq and of our great nation and our coaster manufracturating firms, and it had to be stopped. We just need to find this prototype which definitely exists but we just have not founded it yet but it's really there. Another seventeen years over there and I'm totally sure we'll locate it. Or plant one of our own, if we need to."
Bush also added that he had received "really accurate and not at all made-up" reports from "some dude" that indicate the U.S. may need to invade Russia to locate and destroy a wood coaster that jumps over spaces in the tracks, Finland to eliminate the threat posed by a launched backward stand-up coaster, and Utah to "stop the potential coaster war danger posed by that awesome twenty-year-old, never-purchased Arrow Pipeline prototype they always love to show in the coaster specials on TV."
--JCK
Friday, January 09, 2004
Attractive Young ACE Chick Confused by Lack of Dates
Chicago IL - American Coaster Enthusiast Melinda Sumner, whom experts claim is a strikingly beautiful, petite 23-year-old blonde and Republican Party member, has recently gone public with a terrible quandary.
Melinda, since she was a child, has had a love for roller coasters. She stated in a recent interview, "I joined ACE 2 years ago to get more opportunities to see and ride more roller coasters. After I graduated college cum laude with a degree in biology, I decided I wanted to try and meet men with the same interests as me. Quite frankly, I didn't like the frat guys and I was quite turned off by men who were into biology too; I mean, come on, it's what I do all day. I don't want to deal with it outside of work. So I joined ACE hoping to meet a man to share my weekend enjoyment by romantically holding hands on classic wooden roller coasters.”
At this point in the interview, the beautiful and quite...um...built Melinda broke down into tears, prompting the interviewer to hold and comfort her, um, sorrow. After calming down, she continued.
"I never, never would have thought that I would have a problem finding a nice, good-looking man who shared my love of roller coasters. I am downright depressed that most of the men I have met are members of the dreaded ‘Phoenix Fairies’ or show less interest in me than Michael Jackson at a female strip club. If it is not bad enough that these guys don't seem to appreciate all my 120 pounds of toned 23-year-old body have to offer, the ones that do look at me are over 350 pounds and are always eating. They eat at food stands, in line, and I even saw one walk into a bathroom with a gravy-laden cheesesteak. Come on, how can you eat anything, let alone gravy covered products, in a bathroom, let alone at a Six Flags?? Plus they tend to wander around by themselves mumbling something that sounds like 'wood, I have wood, wood meet wood.’ It really freaks me out.”
She continued: “Most of the good-looking ACE guys seem too interested in themselves or each other. And they constantly bitch about how the feng shui of the rides’ color schemes is off or that their product isn’t sufficiently keeping their hair in place on Twister. I don't get it.”
Unfortunately, Melinda claims to have grown frustrated with not finding a man interested in both her and roller coasters. She has decided the best ride she will ever get was on a cool evening after a hot summer day on the Phoenix. After Phoenix Phall Phunfest she explored the Coal Hole Bar in Shamokin PA, "primarily looking for a mostly-toothed straight man who is not obsessed with the term 'all you can eat.'”
--EJB
Chicago IL - American Coaster Enthusiast Melinda Sumner, whom experts claim is a strikingly beautiful, petite 23-year-old blonde and Republican Party member, has recently gone public with a terrible quandary.
Melinda, since she was a child, has had a love for roller coasters. She stated in a recent interview, "I joined ACE 2 years ago to get more opportunities to see and ride more roller coasters. After I graduated college cum laude with a degree in biology, I decided I wanted to try and meet men with the same interests as me. Quite frankly, I didn't like the frat guys and I was quite turned off by men who were into biology too; I mean, come on, it's what I do all day. I don't want to deal with it outside of work. So I joined ACE hoping to meet a man to share my weekend enjoyment by romantically holding hands on classic wooden roller coasters.”
At this point in the interview, the beautiful and quite...um...built Melinda broke down into tears, prompting the interviewer to hold and comfort her, um, sorrow. After calming down, she continued.
"I never, never would have thought that I would have a problem finding a nice, good-looking man who shared my love of roller coasters. I am downright depressed that most of the men I have met are members of the dreaded ‘Phoenix Fairies’ or show less interest in me than Michael Jackson at a female strip club. If it is not bad enough that these guys don't seem to appreciate all my 120 pounds of toned 23-year-old body have to offer, the ones that do look at me are over 350 pounds and are always eating. They eat at food stands, in line, and I even saw one walk into a bathroom with a gravy-laden cheesesteak. Come on, how can you eat anything, let alone gravy covered products, in a bathroom, let alone at a Six Flags?? Plus they tend to wander around by themselves mumbling something that sounds like 'wood, I have wood, wood meet wood.’ It really freaks me out.”
She continued: “Most of the good-looking ACE guys seem too interested in themselves or each other. And they constantly bitch about how the feng shui of the rides’ color schemes is off or that their product isn’t sufficiently keeping their hair in place on Twister. I don't get it.”
Unfortunately, Melinda claims to have grown frustrated with not finding a man interested in both her and roller coasters. She has decided the best ride she will ever get was on a cool evening after a hot summer day on the Phoenix. After Phoenix Phall Phunfest she explored the Coal Hole Bar in Shamokin PA, "primarily looking for a mostly-toothed straight man who is not obsessed with the term 'all you can eat.'”
--EJB
Thursday, January 08, 2004
Emeril's Not So Tasty the Second Time
The culinary delicacies of Emeril's at Universal Citywalk in Orlando leave something to be desired on their second tasting, claims Wade Billick, 26.
Billick ate lunch at the upscale restaurant, located a short walk from the Islands of Adventure theme park, on Tuesday. After lunch, he walked into the amusement park and commenced riding several different attractions.
"I personally feel Emeril's is highly overrated as a restaurant," said Billick. "Initially, I confess I was pleased. I had a tasty rock shrimp-stuffed snapper in butter sauce and stuffed morels with crawfish. And I sampled some of [my boyfriend] Steve's pan-seared squab with orange-cranberry chutney. Very tasty. Plenty to eat, and some unusual flavors. It did indeed seem to be kicked up to notches unknown to mankind."
Billick's positive first reaction changed after he entered the park, however. "Steve and I went straight for Hulk," he said. "There wasn't much of a line, so we rode that like 10 times in a row, then we did the Fire Dragon six or seven times, and then we had an informal takeover of the Storm Force Acceletron. I bet we were on that sucker for almost 30 minutes straight, whipping around in little circles over and over again. It was around that point that I realized Emeril's wasn't treating me too well."
According to Billick, "my previous good feelings of the restaurant evaporated as soon as I started violently evacuating all the contents of my stomach onto the pavement and benches, accompanying the purge with tremendous squooshing sounds and plenty of retching. I must say that the rock shrimp-stuffed snapper in butter sauce certainly did not have a remotely pleasant flavor by this point, and the stuffed morels would definitely have benefitted from not being coated in gallons of my own fetid bile."
He added, "that squab also failed to impress, as it left a greasy residue and not-so-fresh aroma on its way from my gullet to the tops of Steve's shoes."
"Save your money and skip Emeril's," added Billick. "If you're going to be tasting voluminous piles of semi-digested food as they spray back out your throat, you might as well have it be Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville. That way the stuff spurting out has essentially the same flavor and consistency as anything you consume in the first place, so you won't be disappointed when the food slips so much in quality the second time around, like at Emeril's."
--JCK
The culinary delicacies of Emeril's at Universal Citywalk in Orlando leave something to be desired on their second tasting, claims Wade Billick, 26.
Billick ate lunch at the upscale restaurant, located a short walk from the Islands of Adventure theme park, on Tuesday. After lunch, he walked into the amusement park and commenced riding several different attractions.
"I personally feel Emeril's is highly overrated as a restaurant," said Billick. "Initially, I confess I was pleased. I had a tasty rock shrimp-stuffed snapper in butter sauce and stuffed morels with crawfish. And I sampled some of [my boyfriend] Steve's pan-seared squab with orange-cranberry chutney. Very tasty. Plenty to eat, and some unusual flavors. It did indeed seem to be kicked up to notches unknown to mankind."
Billick's positive first reaction changed after he entered the park, however. "Steve and I went straight for Hulk," he said. "There wasn't much of a line, so we rode that like 10 times in a row, then we did the Fire Dragon six or seven times, and then we had an informal takeover of the Storm Force Acceletron. I bet we were on that sucker for almost 30 minutes straight, whipping around in little circles over and over again. It was around that point that I realized Emeril's wasn't treating me too well."
According to Billick, "my previous good feelings of the restaurant evaporated as soon as I started violently evacuating all the contents of my stomach onto the pavement and benches, accompanying the purge with tremendous squooshing sounds and plenty of retching. I must say that the rock shrimp-stuffed snapper in butter sauce certainly did not have a remotely pleasant flavor by this point, and the stuffed morels would definitely have benefitted from not being coated in gallons of my own fetid bile."
He added, "that squab also failed to impress, as it left a greasy residue and not-so-fresh aroma on its way from my gullet to the tops of Steve's shoes."
"Save your money and skip Emeril's," added Billick. "If you're going to be tasting voluminous piles of semi-digested food as they spray back out your throat, you might as well have it be Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville. That way the stuff spurting out has essentially the same flavor and consistency as anything you consume in the first place, so you won't be disappointed when the food slips so much in quality the second time around, like at Emeril's."
--JCK
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
Six Flags Announces Major Customer Service Initiative to Stop Urinating and Defecating on Guests
After nearly a decade of massive capital investments that many said ignored the "little things" that keep customers happy and coming back, Six Flags Inc. announced yesterday a major new effort for the 2004 season.
Outgoing president Gary Story shared the plan in an exclusive ARN&R interview. "After several years of extensive market research, we have determined that our guests tend not to return to our parks when our employees defecate and urinate on them. To a lesser extent, they object to us spitting on them, and to the intentional placement of various bodily fluids on their food, but the direct defecation and urination is really quite key, especially when aimed at their faces." At this point, Story and an intern performed an elaborate pantomime of an employee throwing and a customer being covered in urine and feces.
"Thus, we've taken what is, we believe, an unprecedented step in customer service and committed to reducing that defecation and urination by at least fifty percent in target parks in 2004, with additional reductions in following years. Ultimately, we'll expand the program to all of our parks, except for Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom."
Reports indicate that the pro-defecation and pro-urination policy was started after a renegade market researcher suggested that customers desired to be showered in human waste and nobody questioned or checked his work. "We have been directing our employees for nearly eight years to create as filthy an environment as possible, even encouraging them to bring in dirty diapers from neighborhood children when available," said Story. "Well, no more! Except in Kentucky! (Where our research indicates the customers expect and want it.)"
In related news, Holiday World and Knoebel's employees are expecting to be even more unbelievably pleasant in 2004.
After nearly a decade of massive capital investments that many said ignored the "little things" that keep customers happy and coming back, Six Flags Inc. announced yesterday a major new effort for the 2004 season.
Outgoing president Gary Story shared the plan in an exclusive ARN&R interview. "After several years of extensive market research, we have determined that our guests tend not to return to our parks when our employees defecate and urinate on them. To a lesser extent, they object to us spitting on them, and to the intentional placement of various bodily fluids on their food, but the direct defecation and urination is really quite key, especially when aimed at their faces." At this point, Story and an intern performed an elaborate pantomime of an employee throwing and a customer being covered in urine and feces.
"Thus, we've taken what is, we believe, an unprecedented step in customer service and committed to reducing that defecation and urination by at least fifty percent in target parks in 2004, with additional reductions in following years. Ultimately, we'll expand the program to all of our parks, except for Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom."
Reports indicate that the pro-defecation and pro-urination policy was started after a renegade market researcher suggested that customers desired to be showered in human waste and nobody questioned or checked his work. "We have been directing our employees for nearly eight years to create as filthy an environment as possible, even encouraging them to bring in dirty diapers from neighborhood children when available," said Story. "Well, no more! Except in Kentucky! (Where our research indicates the customers expect and want it.)"
In related news, Holiday World and Knoebel's employees are expecting to be even more unbelievably pleasant in 2004.
Could You Please Turn Down the Volume on That Website?
We've got a new gem for your perusal: the Awesome Coasters Website. Just be sure to lower the blast shield on your helmet before clicking the link. You'll enjoy the eye-scalding color scheme much more with some facial protection. Be sure to scroll through the entire website for helpful hints, lots of alleged links that don't link anywhere, and some good old-fashioned retinal trauma.
Link up with Awesome Coasters, the ARN&R Site O' the Weak.
--JCK
We've got a new gem for your perusal: the Awesome Coasters Website. Just be sure to lower the blast shield on your helmet before clicking the link. You'll enjoy the eye-scalding color scheme much more with some facial protection. Be sure to scroll through the entire website for helpful hints, lots of alleged links that don't link anywhere, and some good old-fashioned retinal trauma.
Link up with Awesome Coasters, the ARN&R Site O' the Weak.
--JCK
Monday, January 05, 2004
A Christmas Message to the Poor: Suck On It
ARN&R Guest Column by Tim Jenson, President Emeritus of the Greater Cleveland Coaster Fanatics
I am so damn tired about being lectured about giving to the "poor and less fortunate" over the Christmas season. You know what? I work for a living and I don't need others telling me that I need to spend my hard-earned money on people that don't have heat or children digging their Christmas dinners out of dumpsters. Hey kids, tell mom and dad to get a job or convert to a religion without presents.
Some of my co-workers at Best Buy thought that it was rude of me to not give anything to the Salvation Army bell ringers this year. Well, some of us are saving up for that America's Greatest Roller Coaster Thrills: The Ultimate Scream Machines DVD (Digital Collector's Edition). With the employee discount it should be mine in no time. All over America religious and secular leaders tell me that I need to give money to help people. How am I going to witness over twenty coasters in glorious 5.1 surround sound if I keep giving everything I make away?
If these goody two shoes had their way I would not have saved enough for the entire Horse Creek Production series. Trust me, it was worth the money. At Coaster Con last year I met a fine lady named Tina. While she couldn't fit in a lot of the rides we had fun hanging out Das Festhaus. I am sure that the Horse Creek POV of the boomerang at Wild Adventures is what allowed me to feel her roast beef curtains that magical night she came back to my room at the Super 8.
I am not saying I never help those less fortunate. In fact, last week I tried to sell Goodwill my Top Thrill Dragster shirt autographed by the guy who walks the track on Junior Gemini and they wouldn't give me anything for it. If this is how charity works then I want no part of it. I am just tired of those limousine liberals like Jesus telling me to help others. What a crock of shit.
P.S.: I appreciate ARN&R giving me the space to air my concerns about the Christmas season with like-minded coaster enthusiasts. My "Steel 4 Me (Coasters that Is!)" column usually appears on Thrillnetwork, but ever since the "incident" I had in their chatroom where I tried to polish VekomaRulz's chainlift I haven't been allowed to log in.
--Transcribed by FMB
ARN&R Guest Column by Tim Jenson, President Emeritus of the Greater Cleveland Coaster Fanatics
I am so damn tired about being lectured about giving to the "poor and less fortunate" over the Christmas season. You know what? I work for a living and I don't need others telling me that I need to spend my hard-earned money on people that don't have heat or children digging their Christmas dinners out of dumpsters. Hey kids, tell mom and dad to get a job or convert to a religion without presents.
Some of my co-workers at Best Buy thought that it was rude of me to not give anything to the Salvation Army bell ringers this year. Well, some of us are saving up for that America's Greatest Roller Coaster Thrills: The Ultimate Scream Machines DVD (Digital Collector's Edition). With the employee discount it should be mine in no time. All over America religious and secular leaders tell me that I need to give money to help people. How am I going to witness over twenty coasters in glorious 5.1 surround sound if I keep giving everything I make away?
If these goody two shoes had their way I would not have saved enough for the entire Horse Creek Production series. Trust me, it was worth the money. At Coaster Con last year I met a fine lady named Tina. While she couldn't fit in a lot of the rides we had fun hanging out Das Festhaus. I am sure that the Horse Creek POV of the boomerang at Wild Adventures is what allowed me to feel her roast beef curtains that magical night she came back to my room at the Super 8.
I am not saying I never help those less fortunate. In fact, last week I tried to sell Goodwill my Top Thrill Dragster shirt autographed by the guy who walks the track on Junior Gemini and they wouldn't give me anything for it. If this is how charity works then I want no part of it. I am just tired of those limousine liberals like Jesus telling me to help others. What a crock of shit.
P.S.: I appreciate ARN&R giving me the space to air my concerns about the Christmas season with like-minded coaster enthusiasts. My "Steel 4 Me (Coasters that Is!)" column usually appears on Thrillnetwork, but ever since the "incident" I had in their chatroom where I tried to polish VekomaRulz's chainlift I haven't been allowed to log in.
--Transcribed by FMB
Sunday, January 04, 2004
Hurler Theming Returns
Sources close to the Paramount chain of amusement parks tell ARN&R that the Hurler coasters at King's Dominion and Carowinds will have their theming returned for the 2004 season.
Opening as part of the Wayne's World section at each of the two parks, the Hurler coasters featured a preshow by Wayne and Garth, while the ride and station featured music by Queen and Joan Jett. In recent years, the television monitors have been silent, while the popular Queen hits have vanished from the lift hill. But that's all about to change.
"Visitors should expect a return to a full themed experience," says the source. "Of course, after Cat in the Hat, we certainly weren't going to invite Mike Myers back to do Wayne for the ride, so the television monitors will still not be used. However, we will return to having hard rock pumping out of the lift hill speakers, and the immersive Queen experience of the coaster will be greatly enhanced with a bunch of ride ops and maintenance workers themed as Queen guitarist Brian May. It's inexpensive for us and tons of fun for riders, a win-win situation!
The source also noted that Paramount intended to have Queen lead singer Freddie Mercury give a performance for the rollout of the revamped Hurler theming this Spring, but, for "some odd reason" had not yet managed to locate him.
--JCK
Sources close to the Paramount chain of amusement parks tell ARN&R that the Hurler coasters at King's Dominion and Carowinds will have their theming returned for the 2004 season.
Opening as part of the Wayne's World section at each of the two parks, the Hurler coasters featured a preshow by Wayne and Garth, while the ride and station featured music by Queen and Joan Jett. In recent years, the television monitors have been silent, while the popular Queen hits have vanished from the lift hill. But that's all about to change.
"Visitors should expect a return to a full themed experience," says the source. "Of course, after Cat in the Hat, we certainly weren't going to invite Mike Myers back to do Wayne for the ride, so the television monitors will still not be used. However, we will return to having hard rock pumping out of the lift hill speakers, and the immersive Queen experience of the coaster will be greatly enhanced with a bunch of ride ops and maintenance workers themed as Queen guitarist Brian May. It's inexpensive for us and tons of fun for riders, a win-win situation!
The source also noted that Paramount intended to have Queen lead singer Freddie Mercury give a performance for the rollout of the revamped Hurler theming this Spring, but, for "some odd reason" had not yet managed to locate him.
--JCK
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