Disney Gay Day Opponent Plots Expansion of Protests in 2005
Gay Days, events designed for homosexuals, lesbians, and their friends and families to spend time together in a supportive and open environment, have become a yearly ritual at many of the nation's large theme parks. Also a yearly ritual is the appearance at these events of hordes of fundamentalist Christians with endless time and money on their hands. Gay Days are where these folks show the infinite mercy of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ by spewing venom and hatred at others. Planning for this veritable orgy of cruelty and viciousness is always on the minds of religious organizers, but it really begins in earnest around February.
However, this year, conservative Christians plan to branch out from their gay-bashing at parks like Disney World's Magic Kingdom and Universal Studios, and loudly decry the evil deeds of all sinners turning their backs on the Bible.
"We always enjoy our time screaming and threatening violence at these homo abominations at Disney," said protestor Jeb Ziegehodensackesser, 40. "After all, it says in Leviticus 18:22 that you aren't supposed to lie with men, and that's certainly not open to any discussion of interpretation. But some of us decided this year we'd actually take five or ten minutes and read some of this here 'bible' thing we had sitting around our houses, instead of just picking out a couple of completely random verses out of context to justify our hatred and prejudice, and shit far if we didn't find all sorts of crazy shit in there! Our protests haven't covered nearly enough sinful activity!"
Ziegehodensackesser elaborated further on the new expanded focus of right-wing efforts at Gay Days: "We've always said we take the Bible literally. So we still condemn homos. But we just now realized that Leviticus 19:27 says that no man shall round off the hair at his temples or trim his beard, and that Leviticus 19:19 says you can't wear clothing made of two kinds of fabric, so we condemn these people as well. Well, spotting those filthy heathen with goatees and neatly trimmed beards should be a snap, and I certainly think I know what a cotton-polyester blend looks like, so all those sinful bitches of Lucifer are going to hear God's wrath from me!"
Ziegehodensackesser's young daughter was then overheard screaming "Rot in hell, swine and/or lobster eater! Jesus condemns you to Satan's fury!" into her bedroom mirror for practice. Ziegehodensackesser admitted it would be more difficult to ferret out all sinners who have ever tasted the succulent but damnable flesh of pigs (Leviticus 11:7-8) or shellfish (Leviticus 11:9-12) come Disney Gay Day, but his flock would do their absolute best to make life miserable for anyone they even remotely suspected of this Hell-worthy activity.
"We were even thinking about making up some posters like 'Jesus Hates You, Rock Badger Eaters!' since we wanted to cover every one of God's laws at this event," he added. "But I guess that seemed a little silly, since probably no one there will have gone to the trouble of hunting, dressing, cooking, and dining on any rock badgers like it says you aren't allowed to do in Leviticus 11:5. But we'll keep an eye on that, and maybe look to add that next year if it becomes an issue."
Ziegehodensackesser further went on to name a number of other "abominations" his group of conservative Christians would be noting and denouncing loudly: "We'll be actively condemning and harassing any woman who grabbed a man's nads in an argument but didn't have her hand subsequently cut off (Deuteronomy 25:11) and any parents with a screaming, sassy brat that they haven't bothered stoning to death yet (Deuteronomy 21:18-21). And of course, at least in the King James version of the bible, it has that thing about people being slaughtered if they piss against walls (1 Kings 16:11)...now, some people think that just refers to 'men' as a whole, but we think it's best to be sure, so we'll be on the lookout for any of those no-good frat-boy types. If they plan to piss on any walls at Disney, they may indeed face a major smiting by God!"
The only Biblical laws that will not be taken literally in order to condemn others are ones regarding adultery and masturbation, the protest leader announced. "Really, those two are just so screwy and weird and off the deep end, each individual must interpret them in whatever way seems most appropriate for them and them alone," he noted.
--JCK
Friday, February 04, 2005
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Bonds Surgery a Success
San Francisco Giants outfielder Barry Bonds underwent a minor surgical procedure to clean up damage in his knee, the team announced yesterday. According to Giants trainer Stan Conte, the surgery was merely a "clean-up procedure," and that the team expected Bonds to be at full strength by opening day of the regular season. Although Bonds will report to spring training when it begins, he will concentrate on rehab of the repaired knee until beginning full workouts in mid-March.
More importantly, Conte indicated that Bonds would be able to enjoy his favorite pastime, riding roller coasters, as early as one week from today, provided the slugger does not overexert himself walking between rides or trying to cram himself into anything made by Arrow or Premier.
"Barry is not upset at the fact he can't really get into the outfield for a few weeks," said Conte. "But he gets misty every time he mentions how excrutiating that one-week wait will be before he can be thrilled by [Six Flags Marine World's] Medusa again."
Conte also noted that Bonds intends to keep his crutches handy in the future so he and his teammates can walk up the exit ramp and be seated on coasters without having to wait in line with "the scum."
--JCK
San Francisco Giants outfielder Barry Bonds underwent a minor surgical procedure to clean up damage in his knee, the team announced yesterday. According to Giants trainer Stan Conte, the surgery was merely a "clean-up procedure," and that the team expected Bonds to be at full strength by opening day of the regular season. Although Bonds will report to spring training when it begins, he will concentrate on rehab of the repaired knee until beginning full workouts in mid-March.
More importantly, Conte indicated that Bonds would be able to enjoy his favorite pastime, riding roller coasters, as early as one week from today, provided the slugger does not overexert himself walking between rides or trying to cram himself into anything made by Arrow or Premier.
"Barry is not upset at the fact he can't really get into the outfield for a few weeks," said Conte. "But he gets misty every time he mentions how excrutiating that one-week wait will be before he can be thrilled by [Six Flags Marine World's] Medusa again."
Conte also noted that Bonds intends to keep his crutches handy in the future so he and his teammates can walk up the exit ramp and be seated on coasters without having to wait in line with "the scum."
--JCK
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Web Design Course Now Available
We feel a little bad picking on personal websites sometimes. It always feels better to let it rip against a big corporate site that sucks, since the people who own them have probably, at one point or another, taken money from you in some fashion, and then obviously spent it on someone who couldn't do web design much better than an untrained howler monkey. Meanwhile, personal sites are created by people who may have minimal free time, money, or the ability to format anything so that it makes any sense. They're doing it for fun, not to make money. However, it is nonetheless our civic duty to alert you, dear readers, to bad websites involving amusement parks, no matter the type.
And so we direct you to Beth and Dave's Vacation Page, which is a collection of photos by people who are likely very nice, but who are also, unfortunately, top level grand masters of unholy web design. Behold the disorganized picture layout. Witness all the red X markings where pictures should be. Thrill to what appears to be a sound file with no sound. In short, bow before the new Site O' the Weak.
--JCK
We feel a little bad picking on personal websites sometimes. It always feels better to let it rip against a big corporate site that sucks, since the people who own them have probably, at one point or another, taken money from you in some fashion, and then obviously spent it on someone who couldn't do web design much better than an untrained howler monkey. Meanwhile, personal sites are created by people who may have minimal free time, money, or the ability to format anything so that it makes any sense. They're doing it for fun, not to make money. However, it is nonetheless our civic duty to alert you, dear readers, to bad websites involving amusement parks, no matter the type.
And so we direct you to Beth and Dave's Vacation Page, which is a collection of photos by people who are likely very nice, but who are also, unfortunately, top level grand masters of unholy web design. Behold the disorganized picture layout. Witness all the red X markings where pictures should be. Thrill to what appears to be a sound file with no sound. In short, bow before the new Site O' the Weak.
--JCK
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Six Flags America to Follow Hersheypark Trend
Six Flags America made a shocking announcement today regarding park plans for the 2005 season. Taking after Hersheypark, which recently canceled this year's new coaster addition, Six Flags America has decided to cancel all park projects this year in order to maintain its hard-earned reputation of never adding anything.
Kieran Burke, CEO of Six Flags Incorporated, made a special trip to SFA in below freezing weather today to announce that this year’s planned expansion of sinks and water fountains would be canceled in order to prove know-it-all coaster enthusiasts wrong on all accounts, and sources close to the Six Flags camp say that this trend may last longer than one year.
“We had thought about adding a Standup roller coaster in the past few years, then a mouse, then a new water park back behind Superman, but some coaster idiot kept foiling our plans.” Burk stated. He then went on to explain, “So instead, we had decided not to add anything relevant to the park, but just add sinks and water fountains around the back of the park. But in response to this thread on CoasterBuzz, we’ve decided to take after Hersheypark and cancel all additions instead. Boy, that Hershey knows how to take care of customers!”
Rumor has it that Six Flags Darien Lake, Six Flags Astroworld, and Six Flags St. Louis will follow suit with similar announcements later this month.
--TS
Six Flags America made a shocking announcement today regarding park plans for the 2005 season. Taking after Hersheypark, which recently canceled this year's new coaster addition, Six Flags America has decided to cancel all park projects this year in order to maintain its hard-earned reputation of never adding anything.
Kieran Burke, CEO of Six Flags Incorporated, made a special trip to SFA in below freezing weather today to announce that this year’s planned expansion of sinks and water fountains would be canceled in order to prove know-it-all coaster enthusiasts wrong on all accounts, and sources close to the Six Flags camp say that this trend may last longer than one year.
“We had thought about adding a Standup roller coaster in the past few years, then a mouse, then a new water park back behind Superman, but some coaster idiot kept foiling our plans.” Burk stated. He then went on to explain, “So instead, we had decided not to add anything relevant to the park, but just add sinks and water fountains around the back of the park. But in response to this thread on CoasterBuzz, we’ve decided to take after Hersheypark and cancel all additions instead. Boy, that Hershey knows how to take care of customers!”
Rumor has it that Six Flags Darien Lake, Six Flags Astroworld, and Six Flags St. Louis will follow suit with similar announcements later this month.
--TS
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Speaking of Sites O' the Weak
It's that time again, friends and enemies. And for this week's Site O' the Weak, we delve back a bit, into a Coasterbuzz topic that hasn't had a new post added since last summer. Normally, we try to pick on forum topics that are more current, but we only just stumbled across this beauty. We think you'll agree with us that the "grandur" of this topic makes it worthwhile to share.
In this excellent thread, a new poster brags about how his cousin's best friend's neighbor's cat once sprainted on some guy whose boss had a friend who used the same urinal a day after either Bolliger or Mabillard used it, or some such useless crap, as if anyone cares. The kind folk of Coasterbuzz react in their normal tolerant, patient way, with hilarity ensuing.
Our favorite part is when the poster says "it's okay to insult me, but please do it correctly," but that's hardly the only highlight. Read on.
--JCK
It's that time again, friends and enemies. And for this week's Site O' the Weak, we delve back a bit, into a Coasterbuzz topic that hasn't had a new post added since last summer. Normally, we try to pick on forum topics that are more current, but we only just stumbled across this beauty. We think you'll agree with us that the "grandur" of this topic makes it worthwhile to share.
In this excellent thread, a new poster brags about how his cousin's best friend's neighbor's cat once sprainted on some guy whose boss had a friend who used the same urinal a day after either Bolliger or Mabillard used it, or some such useless crap, as if anyone cares. The kind folk of Coasterbuzz react in their normal tolerant, patient way, with hilarity ensuing.
Our favorite part is when the poster says "it's okay to insult me, but please do it correctly," but that's hardly the only highlight. Read on.
--JCK
Today's Lesson: How to Make a Coaster Site That Sucks Balls
We get thousands of letters every day asking "ARN&R, how can I get my website to be listed as the Site O' the Weak? Huh? Huh?"
Actually, we don't get that many letters saying that. Most of them have lots of words spelled wrong, as opposed to the example above. But indeed, it's a coveted title, one that gets your site all the right kind of recognition. However, webmasters are frequently confused as to how they might position themselves and their lame-ass, pathetic, coaster nerd sites for inclusion in our hall of shame.
Fortunately, someone finally created a website specifically designed to instruct people on how to make crappy sites that ARN&R writers can notice and subject to ridicule: How to Make an Annoying Web Page.
Okay, actually it isn't designed as a primer for how to be an SOW at all. But it sure comes in handy when you're looking to be mocked by ARN&R. Just follow some of the helpful hints on this website, throw in some stupid comments about your homemade coaster skid mark collection or how your 2002 CoasterCon ID badge you wear around to other parks is certain to get you some p*ssy, and you'll be well on your way to lining up with about three thousand similarly worthless sites and forum topics we'll get around to taking the piss out of some decade or another.
--JCK
[Author's Note: Of course, about 90% of you coaster enthusiasts out there have no need whatsoever to peruse the Annoying Web Page site, as your site already sucks balls on its own and really doesn't need the help. But you might.]
We get thousands of letters every day asking "ARN&R, how can I get my website to be listed as the Site O' the Weak? Huh? Huh?"
Actually, we don't get that many letters saying that. Most of them have lots of words spelled wrong, as opposed to the example above. But indeed, it's a coveted title, one that gets your site all the right kind of recognition. However, webmasters are frequently confused as to how they might position themselves and their lame-ass, pathetic, coaster nerd sites for inclusion in our hall of shame.
Fortunately, someone finally created a website specifically designed to instruct people on how to make crappy sites that ARN&R writers can notice and subject to ridicule: How to Make an Annoying Web Page.
Okay, actually it isn't designed as a primer for how to be an SOW at all. But it sure comes in handy when you're looking to be mocked by ARN&R. Just follow some of the helpful hints on this website, throw in some stupid comments about your homemade coaster skid mark collection or how your 2002 CoasterCon ID badge you wear around to other parks is certain to get you some p*ssy, and you'll be well on your way to lining up with about three thousand similarly worthless sites and forum topics we'll get around to taking the piss out of some decade or another.
--JCK
[Author's Note: Of course, about 90% of you coaster enthusiasts out there have no need whatsoever to peruse the Annoying Web Page site, as your site already sucks balls on its own and really doesn't need the help. But you might.]
Saturday, January 22, 2005
Six Flags: SFGAm Water Park Free; Also Adding Air Conditioning and Health Care
As part of its ongoing efforts to improve cash flow and profitability, Six Flags announced this week its decision to include Six Flags Great America's Hurricane Harbor water park in the park's admission price. Receiving less attention was its later announcement that it would be air conditioning the entire Chicago-area park as well as providing universal health care for every resident in the Chicago area.
"We're certain that these steps represent the best way to impress investors and to get on track for financial stability," said park spokeswoman Leora Kladner in an exclusive ARN&R interview. "What could be better for cash flow than a free water park, tens of thousands of outdoor air conditioning units running throughout the summer, and the creation of an enormous new health care system for the millions of people in the region? Oh, we're also going to throw in a free puppy for every guest, along with a lifetime supply of food and veterinary services."
SEC filings indicate that the park chain will borrow approximately $1.2 billion at 17.99% interest from an entity on the south side of Chicago called "EZ Pay Day CA$H."
As part of its ongoing efforts to improve cash flow and profitability, Six Flags announced this week its decision to include Six Flags Great America's Hurricane Harbor water park in the park's admission price. Receiving less attention was its later announcement that it would be air conditioning the entire Chicago-area park as well as providing universal health care for every resident in the Chicago area.
"We're certain that these steps represent the best way to impress investors and to get on track for financial stability," said park spokeswoman Leora Kladner in an exclusive ARN&R interview. "What could be better for cash flow than a free water park, tens of thousands of outdoor air conditioning units running throughout the summer, and the creation of an enormous new health care system for the millions of people in the region? Oh, we're also going to throw in a free puppy for every guest, along with a lifetime supply of food and veterinary services."
SEC filings indicate that the park chain will borrow approximately $1.2 billion at 17.99% interest from an entity on the south side of Chicago called "EZ Pay Day CA$H."
S&D Greetings Offers New Hasselhoff Product Line
Coaster card supplier S&D Greetings sparked controversy within the coaster community when they offered their 2006 calendar. Entitled "Hot 4 Hasselhoff," the scrumptious planner combines many of the untalented artist's shots from calendars past.
Steve Simmons, S&D's research and development director, said the plan was a new and bold step for the company. He commented, "Sure, shots of Boulderdash are nice, but we have to give the people what they want -- and they want Hasselhoff. Whether he is hanging out with a bird,
looking hot or just rocking out, you can't go wrong with David."
Some enthusiasts predict that sales will be down from previous years. Tim Johnson of Cleburne, Texas felt that it will be hard to move calendars with the sassy star of Knight Rider emblazoned on them. "Sure, Hasselhoff is hot," he conceded, distractedly gazing at a photo for upwards of thirty seconds. "But I don't know how many enthusiasts will pick that up. I wish they had gone a different route and done a Star Wars: Episode III calendar. It isn't quite as geeky as Hasselhoff and I know women would talk to me if they saw Anakin on my wall."
For now S&D Greetings just hope that David's sexy patriotism will be infectious. Steve Simmons said, "Germans love David Hasselhoff and we think that soon the whole world will. Seriously, what's hotter than this?"
Reports that next year's S&D calendar will feature nude spreads of A-Team star Dirk "Face" Benedict could not be confirmed a press time.
--FMB/JCK/GP
[Editor's Note: ARN&R has just learned that the American Coaster Enthusiasts, noted for their previous energetic attempts to crush any competition in the coaster calendar business, have decided to offer competing Hasselhoff products at the ACE Online Store. Among the treats being offered are the Deranged Eskimo Hasselhoff Fanny Pack and the Cream-Your-Undies-He's-So-Manly Speedo Hasselhoff Portable Coaster Count Tabulator/Dildo. When queried about the timing of the new product line, an ACE rep claimed that its launch immediately after a competitor's was "completely coincidental."]
Coaster card supplier S&D Greetings sparked controversy within the coaster community when they offered their 2006 calendar. Entitled "Hot 4 Hasselhoff," the scrumptious planner combines many of the untalented artist's shots from calendars past.
Steve Simmons, S&D's research and development director, said the plan was a new and bold step for the company. He commented, "Sure, shots of Boulderdash are nice, but we have to give the people what they want -- and they want Hasselhoff. Whether he is hanging out with a bird,
looking hot or just rocking out, you can't go wrong with David."
Some enthusiasts predict that sales will be down from previous years. Tim Johnson of Cleburne, Texas felt that it will be hard to move calendars with the sassy star of Knight Rider emblazoned on them. "Sure, Hasselhoff is hot," he conceded, distractedly gazing at a photo for upwards of thirty seconds. "But I don't know how many enthusiasts will pick that up. I wish they had gone a different route and done a Star Wars: Episode III calendar. It isn't quite as geeky as Hasselhoff and I know women would talk to me if they saw Anakin on my wall."
For now S&D Greetings just hope that David's sexy patriotism will be infectious. Steve Simmons said, "Germans love David Hasselhoff and we think that soon the whole world will. Seriously, what's hotter than this?"
Reports that next year's S&D calendar will feature nude spreads of A-Team star Dirk "Face" Benedict could not be confirmed a press time.
--FMB/JCK/GP
[Editor's Note: ARN&R has just learned that the American Coaster Enthusiasts, noted for their previous energetic attempts to crush any competition in the coaster calendar business, have decided to offer competing Hasselhoff products at the ACE Online Store. Among the treats being offered are the Deranged Eskimo Hasselhoff Fanny Pack and the Cream-Your-Undies-He's-So-Manly Speedo Hasselhoff Portable Coaster Count Tabulator/Dildo. When queried about the timing of the new product line, an ACE rep claimed that its launch immediately after a competitor's was "completely coincidental."]
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Friday, January 21, 2005
Enthusiast Tempted by Nor'easter Email Invite
According to sources close to the ACE New England Region, members recently received an email advertising for the Nor'easter event with the following questions:
Winter blahs got you down?
Opening day at your favorite park just can't come soon enough?
Haven't seen your coaster buddies since October?
Dying to buy that calendar / video / book / game you didn't get for Christmas?
According to enthusiast Marlon Georgiev, 23, the message was somewhat appealing because most of it was true when applied to him.
"Yeah, maybe I should go to Nor'easter," he said. "I was reading it and I thought, well, hell yes, winter blahs have me down. It's frostier out there right now than the reaction I get when I tell random high school girls at the mall how much I like being pummeled and thrashed by dueling woodies. And then I thought, well, I would kinda like to have Roller Coaster Tycoon 3, even though the park patrons in it are even stupider than the real ones at Six Flags parks. And I do actually think at least five times per hour about how much it sucks that Lake Compounce won't open until like May or June, so that one certainly applies to me."
"So I might think about going," he concluded. "Three out of four ain't bad."
--JCK
According to sources close to the ACE New England Region, members recently received an email advertising for the Nor'easter event with the following questions:
Winter blahs got you down?
Opening day at your favorite park just can't come soon enough?
Haven't seen your coaster buddies since October?
Dying to buy that calendar / video / book / game you didn't get for Christmas?
According to enthusiast Marlon Georgiev, 23, the message was somewhat appealing because most of it was true when applied to him.
"Yeah, maybe I should go to Nor'easter," he said. "I was reading it and I thought, well, hell yes, winter blahs have me down. It's frostier out there right now than the reaction I get when I tell random high school girls at the mall how much I like being pummeled and thrashed by dueling woodies. And then I thought, well, I would kinda like to have Roller Coaster Tycoon 3, even though the park patrons in it are even stupider than the real ones at Six Flags parks. And I do actually think at least five times per hour about how much it sucks that Lake Compounce won't open until like May or June, so that one certainly applies to me."
"So I might think about going," he concluded. "Three out of four ain't bad."
--JCK
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Sex Workers Not Excited For Eastcoaster
A lot of things make adult entertainer Brittany Rears excited. The Eastcoaster convention is not one of them. The event is a gathering of members of the American Coaster Enthusiasts (ACE) from around the country. People travel hundreds of miles to hear lectures on what’s new and exciting in the amusement park industry. These coaster hobby heads call it a “spring training” for their upcoming park-going season.
Normally conventions are big business for strippers, hookers and even nudie booth workers (including the moppers). In fact, Ms. Rears said that some of her largest cuts have come from nights when big groups gather in steel and coal country.
She commented, “Yah, I usually get the big tips for a shower scene on stage or some double lap dance action -- the fish sandwich always brings in good tips. However, these coaster guys usually don’t want much even if they do come in here. Just last year a guy gave me a $1 tip after I grinded his crotch to Dio’s ‘Holy Diver.' Instead of enjoying the moment he went on and on about how this place called Dorney Park took out Hercules. Whatever.”
Many have examined the lack of interest in Allentown’s sex trade by the coaster geeks and aren’t sure why they don’t show. Independent research done by ARN&R exemplary intern staff shows that almost every group, from the Republican Party to Local Coal Miners’ 138 to the Moral Majority all like to get their wangs waxed when in town. Yet, for some reason these coasterphiles stay clear.
Over at Crotch Co., a local hoesale store, Trixster and Shauntell said they have never noticed a spike in activity during the annual event. Trixster said, “I know they are having this event like, every year, but I ain’t never seen hardly any benefits. Last year I had some freak call and told me he wanted me to dress like Dominator. I should up in my leather outfit and he said I came like the wrong thing. Apparently I was supposed to be dressed like some white tower and he wanted me to call him Mr. Checketts while I banged him. That freak was nasty.”
A few ladies of the night plan to work the Northampton Community Center, which holds the event every year. However, little-to-no activity is expected unless they wear patch jackets.
--FMB
A lot of things make adult entertainer Brittany Rears excited. The Eastcoaster convention is not one of them. The event is a gathering of members of the American Coaster Enthusiasts (ACE) from around the country. People travel hundreds of miles to hear lectures on what’s new and exciting in the amusement park industry. These coaster hobby heads call it a “spring training” for their upcoming park-going season.
Normally conventions are big business for strippers, hookers and even nudie booth workers (including the moppers). In fact, Ms. Rears said that some of her largest cuts have come from nights when big groups gather in steel and coal country.
She commented, “Yah, I usually get the big tips for a shower scene on stage or some double lap dance action -- the fish sandwich always brings in good tips. However, these coaster guys usually don’t want much even if they do come in here. Just last year a guy gave me a $1 tip after I grinded his crotch to Dio’s ‘Holy Diver.' Instead of enjoying the moment he went on and on about how this place called Dorney Park took out Hercules. Whatever.”
Many have examined the lack of interest in Allentown’s sex trade by the coaster geeks and aren’t sure why they don’t show. Independent research done by ARN&R exemplary intern staff shows that almost every group, from the Republican Party to Local Coal Miners’ 138 to the Moral Majority all like to get their wangs waxed when in town. Yet, for some reason these coasterphiles stay clear.
Over at Crotch Co., a local hoesale store, Trixster and Shauntell said they have never noticed a spike in activity during the annual event. Trixster said, “I know they are having this event like, every year, but I ain’t never seen hardly any benefits. Last year I had some freak call and told me he wanted me to dress like Dominator. I should up in my leather outfit and he said I came like the wrong thing. Apparently I was supposed to be dressed like some white tower and he wanted me to call him Mr. Checketts while I banged him. That freak was nasty.”
A few ladies of the night plan to work the Northampton Community Center, which holds the event every year. However, little-to-no activity is expected unless they wear patch jackets.
--FMB
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