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Breaking News: Six Flags to Open Six Flags Over Shiite-Controlled Iraq

Details are sketchy as yet, but ARN&R has received word from three independent and well-informed sources that Six Flags Inc. will open Six Flags Over Shiite-Controlled Iraq within three weeks.

The park, to be located near Najaf, will celebrate the long history of the Shiite fundamentalists' anti-American radicalism, including several new coasters. The signature coaster will be a new Intamin hypercoaster called "Superman: Ride of Destroying the American Infidels," with a GCI-designed wooden coaster called simply "Kill All Americans." Flat rides include a Top Scan called "God Will Roast Their Stomachs in Hell at the Hands of Iraqis," and Sally is expected to provide a heavily themed interactive dark ride called "Amerian Infidel Hunters."

Six Flags spokeswoman Rachel Solt declared, "Six Flags has always been about celebrating diversity -- heck, our flagship park is themed after all the different cultures that had controlled Texas! This is just another way of showing the world how much we love every person, even if they wish to kill us and destroy our government!"