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Enthusiasts Denied ERT at Music Theater

Hundreds of coaster enthusiasts were turned away in their bid for Exclusive Ride Time (ERT) at the Goodspeed Opera House, a historic musical theater in eastern Connecticut where coaster lovers mistakenly believed there to be high-tech thrill attractions.

The source of confusion appears to be a review, by critic Caroline McGuire of the Norwalk Free Republican-Democrat, of the current Goodspeed revival of Me and My Girl. Amongst various comments about the costumes, musical score, and acting range of the stars, the show was described as “an absolute roller coaster ride from start to finish.”

“How dare they lead us astray,” said Mark Price, 65. “The review clearly stated that there was a roller coaster here. This is untrue. In fact, there are no thrill rides at all. It’s just a little town with a river and this Victorian theater. And the landscape and interaction with the water would certainly have made this an ideal location for a terrain woodie.”

“Or, better yet, a hypercoaster. Preferably a 600-foot launched one,” he added thoughtfully.

Despite filing protest letters and bitching extensively over not being granted access to the hidden roller coaster, a handful of ACE members did decide to do some good for the group’s public relations, sticking around to take in the sights and sounds of the park despite the filthy lies about the alleged coaster on the property. Several reported that the park’s entertainment, specifically the musical, was “much better than the rock and roll show at Worlds of Fun or that Snoopy on Ice thing at Cedar Point.” The only further complaint about the park besides the lack of an advertised roller coaster was that the orchestra pit did not feature a viola.

ACE President Carol Sanderson has announced that throngs of enthusiasts plan to pout and whine insufferably when they are turned away form nonexistent roller coasters at showings of Hulk and Terminator 3, a variety of major league baseball games, and even the Lancashire Cricket Club, all of which have been falsely described in the recent past by reviewers as “roller coaster rides.”

--JCK