Friday, July 04, 2003

New Avril Lavigne Single Explodes on Charts

Hailed by critics nationwide as the "finest brainless teeny-bop music single released this week involving amusement park equipment," Avril Lavigne's new smash hit "Sky Sk8er Boi" has rocketed up the charts since its release a few days ago. The song, which desribes a "cool" girl and her love affair with a filthy, unwashed skateboarding junior high dropout who does part-time work cleaning up the ride queues of flat rides at Vancouver Playland, has been certified gold after a mere four days, making it a comparable smash to such modern classics as "Complicated" and "Sk8er Boi," a song Lavigne says is "like uh totally different and stuff from uh you know the other song what's it called."

Lavigne described the plot of the song for ARN&R. "Uh, you know, uh, I thought it would be you know, stuff, like this guy who works a ride, like the ones people puke on, and he has to clean up the trash uh and vomit um and stuff, but the cool chick loves him or something anyway."

Without any provocation, Lavigne then decided to crack funny for ARN&R, adding that "I was born to rock, I was born to roll. Rock 'n' roll. I see myself as a rock chick and when they refer to me as a pop chick I'm like 'NOOOOO!!!"

Says Sherwood Wise, president of Interactive Rides, Inc., maker of the Sky Sk8er thrill attraction, "We're pleased to have this kind of publicity for our fine product. I note, however, that Vancouver Playland does not own any of our ride service amusement product devices. Perhaps it would be to the benefit of Ms. Lavigne, Playland, and our company if they were to buy one of our Sky Sk8ters. That's synergy, baby!"

In related news, VH1 has just named the new hit as one of the elite songs in history, as it has been included in the new VH1 100 Greatest Musical Compositions of the Last 2,113.345 Years, to air July 4th. Some music critics questioned whether "Sky Sk8er Boi" was more deserving than other major works left off the list, including such important compositions as Louie Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World," the Who's "Won't Get Fooled Again," the Rolling Stones' "You Can't Always Get What You Want," and the Bach B Minor Mass, but VH1 vigorously defended its position.

"Those are all good songs," said Vice President of Bullshit Countdown Shows Monty Smithers, "but we feel Avril's work is the pinnacle of Western Civilization, full of thought and beauty and usefulness. Also, she had the best tits."

--JCK
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