Absolutely Reliable News & Rumors.

Surviving IAAPA: A Guide for Enthusiasts

Hey enthusiasts, it is FMB rappin' at ya with the latest in IAAPA "do's and don'ts."  I know you have been wondering what to wear, what to say and how to shake your groove thing while on the show floor.  All I can say is don't worry, we've got you covered.  Delve into some of these great pointers and soon you and Claude Mabillard will be on the friendship tip.

5) Marathon

Those rides out back are set up for enthusiasts -- for you.  Be sure to spend a lot of time riding and re-riding each piece of equipment to make sure you can post how much fun they were or how much they sucked.  Don't forget to tell the guy stuck working in the Florida sun whether or not you like the ride; his company will appreciate your input.  Afterwards, feel free to pleasure yourself on the diamond plating.

4) Interview For Your Website

Your site on Earthlink is arguably the finest source of coaster information out there.  It doesn't matter that you still list the "New For '01" coasters, people come to you because you are the enthusiast with brains. Don't feel bad about cornering Werner Stengel for a half-hour to talk about Millennium Force.  He loves talking to someone as smart as you.  Make sure he leaves with one of the business cards you printed up at home.  Yes, soon the Steng-dog will be dropping coastr_stud435@aol.com an email asking design advice.

3) Sport a Mullet

Nothing says "professional" like a mullet.  This tells people that you are business in the front, party in the back and one hardcore coaster-marathoning motherf*cker.  When you roll up with the t-tops down in the hot Florida sun and your feathered mullet blowing in the wind, heads will turn and everyone will know a high-roller has just stepped onto the show floor.  Don't be embarrassed by how successful you are -- embrace it.

2) No Stress Dress

This is your only vacation from being shift manager at McDonald's, so enjoy life!  Don't be afraid to weather that black Mamba t-shirt that is a few sizes too small.  No one will even notice your gut with that foxy Beast belt buckle.  Ride manufacturers always enjoy it when you hang around their booth in a t-shirt that has their coaster on it.  In fact, if you see customers having to wait to talk to a representative, don't be afraid, start telling them why Manufacturer X "rocks."

1) Interrupt

If I have learned one thing, it is that IAAPA is for enthusiasts.  Make sure you interrupt when ride people are talking about products, especially when they are going over final contract points.  You paid to get in and therefore you are just as important to Vekoma as Marty Skelar.  Trust me, they will be so impressed when you tell them how to improve their rides!

Well folks, I will see you down in the Sunshine State.  Just look for the handy-dandy neon yellow ARN&R press pass.  I can't wait to discuss the best seat on TTD with you at Denny's.

--FMB