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Surviving IAAPA: A Guide for Industry Buyers

For decades Absolutely Reliable News & Rumors has been the voice of the amusement industry and in 2004 we are proud to step up our IAAPA coverage to unprecedented levels. For months, industry leaders, CEOs and even Mickey himself have come to us wanting to know how to “work” the show floor.  Here are what we consider the five most important tips to making the most out of your time as a buyer for your park, carnival, FEC, or fictional Pittsburgh-area amusement park/entertainment complex.

5)  Chicks in Bikinis

Almost every year a few booths set up with hot chicks in bikinis that do not speak English.  Be sure to stop by them often.  Your wife probably has a “mom ass” by now and knows you very well -- but not these women. They barely understand a word you say as you drool over their tight bodies.  When they ask “U vant Laser Tag?” you should not respond; just continue to stare at their chests.

4)  Free Food

The show floor is big and you will get hungry.  Be sure to take advantage of the delicious tiny morsels of Dippin’ Dots, Noble Roman’s Pizza and Steve’s Sausage you get to wait in line an hour for.  Don’t bother with the great restaurants mere steps away (e.g. Peabody) -- you only have eight hours each day to see the five people you made appointments with!

3)  Hotel Porn

If the person that handles expense accounts is an old woman unwilling to talk about sex (or just stupid) then take advantage of the many movie choices offered by your hotel.  “Secretary Sluts Five,” “Asian Delights” or even “Sex Wars Episode Two: Boning the Clones” will be sure to get the job done.  If your employer has the nerve to ask you about buying beat material tell them to simply look at the receipt.  All it says is “movie.”  What are they going to do about it?  Fire you?

2)  Indoor SCAD Tower: Not a Good Idea

This is pretty self explanatory.  The SCAD tower set up inside drops you into a net.  The same net the company forgot to set up for one child.  Simply put, don’t ride it.  This is also something to think about when considering attractions for your park.

1)  Drink Heavily

It is called an expense account for a reason, so use the damn thing.  Don’t be afraid to buy a drink for that pretty lady at the bar who might be a hooker. It is easy to hide $20 in drinks and even easier to feed a dead prostitute to Shamu.  Go for it!  After all, you’re on vacation.

--FMB