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Enthusiast Uncomfortable With Jump To "A-List" Status

"And just like that...poof...I was A-list," said Ferrari Albertina, pneumatic line manufacturer.

And so it began that faithful East Coaster. Albertina, who had lived a normal life of being a "high D, possibly low C-list" enthusiast was vaulted up in the eyes of fellow coaster geeks when he gave a 5 minute talk at the famous ACE wintertime gathering in beautiful downtown Allentown, Pennsylvania. "I just mentioned to Carol (the Lil' Kim of ACE) that I worked for a company that occasionally fabricated the pneumatic brake lines for Arrow and PTC. I don't know where things went so wrong," lamented Albertina. "Soon I was talking for five minutes about piping and all of the sudden I was a God to these things...er, people."

His friends said it was because he got stupid. Harvey Goldenblatt, self-proclaimed "Disney dork and Kosher enthusiast" said that Albertina simply got too full of himself. "Look, Ferrari did a great job of being low-key. He didn't let enthusiasts know what he did, he kept a low profile, hell, the boy hardly got laid -- that was dedication. But he f*cked it all up by presenting at East Coaster. His life as he knows it is over."

15 year-old Jared Diesel, webmaster of SuperUltimateRollerCoaster.com, echoed Goldenblatt's sentiments. "Yeah, Ferrari did a great job, as Snoop said, 'goin' Deep Cover,' but he screwed it up by presenting. He might as well pencil his ass in to presenting at East Coaster, Coaster Con, No Coaster and every other coaster event with food and no (or fugly) women."

We tracked down some of Albertina's RRC friends at Williams Grove. TimHi-8 and Shimmer said that the new darling of ACE should quit the coaster community. "He doesn't get laid as it is. I just think being a keynote speaker will only hurt my boy's chances of breaking off some ass," noted Shimmer.

All in all, Albertina is sorry he ventured north for that presentation. "Was it a little egotistical? Probably. But, in all honesty I had no idea random people would come up to me at parks and start 'rapping' with me about their favorite coasters. I just want it to stop. Please God, make it stop."

--FMB