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Shapiro: Six Flags Water Parks To Have Fifty Percent Less Urine For 2006

Continuing his tour of Six Flags parks nationwide, new CEO Mark Shapiro made a bold announcement after touring the chain's Hurricane Harbor park adjacent to Six Flags Great America in Gurnee, Illinois:

"In 2006, we are pleased to announce a new commitment to customer service, starting with a reduction in urine-tainted water by at least 50%!"

Asked how he would achieve such an ambitious goal, Shapiro said it was simple. "We've asked our lifeguards and staff to stop peeing in the water supply, though the park's management will continue to be permitted that perk. Based on our initial testing, that will reduce the urine content substantially."

Shapiro declined to comment on reports that the employees would now be urinating in the water supply for the park's "Cool Zone" sprinkler areas.

--GP