Absolutely Reliable News & Rumors.

Turn Down the Contrast and Brightness Before Accessing Our New Site O' the Weak

Someone reasonably competent obviously set up the Southern Adventures website, our Site O' the Weak. After all, information is readily accessible and laugh-out-loud grammatical errors were not found on a quick perusal, setting this website leagues apart from those offered by plenty of other amusement parks.

That's why it's so puzzling that they chose to present their information on an eye-frying neon green background, with text in the exact same green color in little orange boxes. Folks, the background color is already harmful enough to continued ocular well-being, but when a site goes the extra step of having letters and overall colors in that same terrible color, it actually burns. Please make it stop.

While we're at it, we think the entry page gave us a mild seizure. We can't come visit your park if we're flopping around on the ground gnashing our tongues off and foaming from various orifices. It's a simple and unfortunate fact of life.

The park consists of fairly standard FAC stuff, and we're sure most of it is fine and fun, but we're going to take points off for the claim that "The Rock" is "the most realistic rock climbing simulator on the planet." We're also suspicious that the claims of "year round wholesome entertainment" and the large discounts for anyone bringing a church bulletin will result in a visit laden with people attempting to give you annoying pamphlets about how you are going to rot in hell, but if you like that sort of thing, don't let us stop you.

--JCK