Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Camelot Theme Park Staffer's Date Disputes Press Release

The Camelot Theme Park recently announced a new coaster, declaring it, at 2,600 feet, one of the longest roller coasters in existence. The press release, written by one Barry Carlton of Lancashire, described the ride -- with a top speed of over 40 miles per hour -- as a white knuckle attraction with "world class thrills."

In a related story, Carlton's date last Saturday issued a press release announcing that "Barry Carlton is pathetically unable to judge length, the thrills related to length, the relative length of any given item compared to world records or even world averages, what it means to provide 'world class thrills,' or the necessary speeds required to provide satisfaction, much less thrills, to others. Also, it's really gross when his back hair gets caught in his chain mail. In short -- and I cannot emphasize the word 'short' enough -- he's clueless."

Carlton was unavailable for comment.

--GP

43 comments:

  1. Anonymous8:08 PM

    Members, I do not think this post is true. I contacted Camelot Theme Park and they have nobody named Barry Carlton working there. Also, it is closing because of the State Showcase park.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous2:39 PM

    Dude. It's real.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Stick to your guns, Jack. These things can't be true.

    AA

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous4:52 PM

    I can't believe you guys let these idoits in the house with this "comment(s)" section. Do you have any idea what this means for us regular readers?

    Weekly

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous5:56 PM

    OH if you people want to open this up to responses like this for people to speak their minds trust me I'll do that because I can speak it. If you want to name names like Jeff Putz in your articles well there are people out here who don't like this at all. I don't like this because I've ben involved in "Buzz" from the beginning even though I'm using a different screen name here. You always target fun of coaster events but you do because you don't go to any. If you did you wouldn't target them. Well I'll be here like a lot of others to say what I really think of all of you and what you say.

    Gandolf

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous7:52 PM

    ^
    I rest my case

    Weekly

    ReplyDelete
  7. You tell em Gandolf. Seems like ARN&R is a stupid blog now!

    We hate them

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous8:41 PM

    Gandolf, know that we're with you, Join us. This is your "shire"
    www.americansagainstarnr.blogspot.com

    AA

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous10:13 PM

    I've seen your blog and I don't know if I like it any better than here. Sometimes I don't think your really against arn&r. I don't know. Sometimes it seems like you make fun of some of the same things but like I said I don't know. I do know I don't like arn&r and I'll speak about it to anyone because I don't care what people think about me.

    Gandolf

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous10:36 PM

    Gandolf:
    You'll notice the name is
    "Against" arnr. If we were "for" arnr, we'd be called "Americans"
    (or maybe "Communists") "FOR" arnr.
    See what I'm saying?

    AA

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous11:29 PM

    I stopped liking arn&r when they went through that whole Japan Trip thing. A lot of people got burned during all that. The wounds remain for some.

    T

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous11:51 PM

    We got splodded.

    I think... somehow... we got splodded.

    AA

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous11:55 PM

    I think Aaron's article must've been right. He was onto something. Something sinister. And so... we got splodded.

    AA

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous12:12 AM

    ...as "Taps" plays quietly.

    I guess this means... you guys win.

    This is AA saying...

    Good night... and good luck.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous8:00 PM

    AA what is this? Nobody I've talked to has any clue what this means.

    T-Coast

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous9:08 PM

    ^
    You're expecting something AA says to make sense?

    Weekly

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous9:37 PM

    Weekly, you're way too uptight for me to want to deal with you.

    T

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous9:55 PM

    < SPEAKING TO THE SIDE RAIL BARB.

    NOTHING AT ALL IS WHAT YOU"RE ABOUT. NOTHING AT ALL.

    Rastus

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous3:52 PM

    I'm going to chime in on how much I like arn&r.

    Penn

    ReplyDelete
  20. Anonymous1:33 AM

    I agree with T-Coast. Up until the Japan Trip coverage I used to get a chuckle reading the articles here. That all changed when my friends got assaulted by the jerks on here during the Japan Trip fiasco. I don't care if all my friends still think it's funny, I hate everything about arn&r now.

    Japan Tripper

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous2:31 AM

    I used to read the articles here all the time. Then I stopped for a little while. Then I started back up again. After that, I kept reading. Mostly just the side links and quips. Then, progressively, I got back into reading the articles again. Once I started reading the articles again, I noticed something. I noticed that reading the side articles didn't have the same pizzaz they used to. It used to be that you get get a real "zinger" on the side article links, but maybe it's just that my tastes have changed. I don't know.

    Jerry

    ReplyDelete
  22. LIFE!!

    IT'S A GOOD THING!

    Most of you idiots really need to get outside, and exercise.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Only exercise you get is your gums a flappin.

    Funky

    ReplyDelete
  24. Anonymous8:38 PM

    I'm starting to like this Justin person.

    Meg

    ReplyDelete
  25. Anonymous9:06 PM

    Hey, Justin. I resent that. My hobbies are just as "life" filled as anyones. Right now it's off-season for parks and many other things.

    Jerry

    ReplyDelete
  26. Your mind must be off as well to like ARN&R. You must be a TPR person to like them

    ReplyDelete
  27. Anonymous10:01 PM

    That's true. We like arn&r.

    TPR Friends

    ReplyDelete
  28. Anonymous8:27 AM

    ^
    I don't. You can't speak for all TPR people.

    Japan Tripper

    ReplyDelete
  29. But Meg, what about us?

    Your Valentine,

    Aaron

    ReplyDelete
  30. Gandalf, T-Coast, Japan Tripper. Welcome to the Boycott! We would love to have you join us over at americansagainstarnr.blogspot.com . Join the Boycott and help us stop this evil.

    Aaron

    ReplyDelete
  31. Anonymous11:21 PM

    T and JT have been with us before.
    I'd like to see the "Ringer" come over though. We need some ringers.

    AA

    ReplyDelete
  32. Anonymous11:43 PM

    Yeah. All you have now are Trekkies, coasties, and other kinds of dweebs.

    Weekly

    ReplyDelete
  33. Anonymous12:20 AM

    I resemble that remark!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Anonymous10:08 AM

    I can watch a Star Trek film occasionally, but I've never personally known any "Trekkies."
    I'm interested in lurking there and seeing what these sorts are like.

    Penn

    ReplyDelete
  35. Anonymous4:10 PM

    My advice is to keep your sanity and stay away from there. Going over there on occasion has taken a negative toll on my personal well being.

    Weekly

    ReplyDelete
  36. Anonymous9:40 PM

    I think I'm starting to understand.

    Penn

    ReplyDelete
  37. Anonymous11:07 PM

    You really have no idea how bad it is.

    Meg

    ReplyDelete
  38. Anonymous4:50 AM

    Aaron, I thought you said Meg was stalking you?

    ReplyDelete
  39. She is! She sent me an e-mail the other day with some very graphic photos. I won't go into detail, but the police have been notified. I don't even know how she got my e-mail address, but I'm starting to get concerned. Anyone seen Fatal Attraction? Yeah, it's getting bad.

    Aaron

    ReplyDelete
  40. Anonymous3:42 PM

    Only in your sick dreams.

    Meg

    ReplyDelete
  41. Aaron, Since it's what the Web was made for, Mind sharing them photos?

    Funky

    ReplyDelete
  42. It's nothing you wanna see Funky. Despite the fact that Meg sounds really hot online (at first), it's nothing to write home about. I e-mailed them to you anyway. You can take a look and have a good laugh, but don't expect to see any kind of hottie in the pix.

    Aaron

    ReplyDelete
  43. OMG, My female twin!

    EEK!

    ReplyDelete