Gatekeeper Mystery Solved At Last

Fan boys have long wondered the great mysteries of Cedar Point.  Does 12E mean anything?  Will Dick Kinzel by released from the Carbonite?  What well loved attraction will they tear out next in a hope to beat Magic Mountain to the title?  Will the Golden Ticket ever go to a good park?  And most intriguing, why do they keep building rides that have to close during the lightest breeze at a park next to a lake?

These legends and more have been solved in the past.  But now the greatest mystery emerges.  Gatekeeper has two keyholes.  First, who has the keys?  Second, what happens if one or both of them are turned?  Third, do they have to be turned like the scene in the beginning of Wargames?  Or is it more of a Hunt for Red October thing?  Or perhaps Crimson Tide?

According to sources close to someone who thinks they know a guy working at a nacho stand rumored to be on the Cedar Point peninsula, the first key was buried beneath the former concrete pad of the Wildcat.  The source isn't sure is the key is still there or not, but we have been told that "dancers" and "singers" that now call the area home have attempted to locate it in the hopes of ensuring they won't be kicked out when it is determined that they were never meant to be allowed to torture the human race.

The whereabouts of the second key are still unknown.  But the same guy who may or may not work at a nacho stand has ventured into the secret command center and discovered the mystery that the keys cause.  If both keys are turned at the same time,  the "reverse lycene contingency" is engaged.  This causes a certain group of animatronic lizards to return to their alive state.  According to the book left open on the counter, the lizards are tasked with charging towards Florida to destroy a mouse.  Not without picking up their leader, creator, and former chief executive who will lead them to victory while riding a tyrannosaurus.

For now the keys are safe.  If something does go wrong though, you're all on your own.  

Thankfully, we own an island off the coast of Costa Rica.